WTF! More Bullshit Relationship Advice

Erotic art by Édouard-Henri Avril.

Image via Wikipedia

First, let me apologize.  I feel like I’m ranting, again.  But I didn’t know what to post tonight, and I just came across this, and it pissed me off, so here you go.

Where do people get this shit!  I found this on YourTango.com (whose tag line is Smart Talk About Love), which I get daily emails from.  Sometimes it has interesting articles, which can help to spark my imagination on upcoming posts.  Today was not one of those days.  I was rummaging through my emails tonight, and I see an article titled “She’s Doing Threesomes & He’s Doing Lonesome.”  And I instantly thought about my threesome series and thought it may be interesting to tag.  And then I started reading it…

It begins with a question from a dude who doesn’t trust his girlfriend, as she spends too much time with people she used to fuck, not date, just fuck.  He’s particularly upset, because a “friend,” he doesn’t state if it’s male or female, who she had a threesome with before is spending the night at her home.

The “expert,” Nina Atwood, whose response begins by talking about how the relationship has a lot of “red flags” and continues with “…it’s not okay to have threesomes, and it’s not okay to have someone you once had a threesome with spend the night with you while you blow off your boyfriend. It’s not okay, that is, if you want a committed relationship that is built around love and fidelity.”

Okay, I understand that sex is different for everyone.  And that my thoughts and feelings are perhaps a little more promiscuous than most.  Or maybe it’s just I’m a little more willing to admit it and talk about it.  But what the fuck.  Who says it’s not okay to have a threesome?  I guess threesomes are not the “norm,” but it’s not like they are uncommon to at least think about, as everyone always says they are a man’s number one fantasy.  And I know they are quite up there on my list, too.

And, I get that you may not want a guy who used to fuck your girl spending the night at her house.  But the way it read, it seemed to me that her friend was a chick.  And lots of girls have threesomes with their friends (okay, maybe not a ton, but I bet in a lot of FFM, the girls were friends).  The girl that was in my threesomes is still my best friend.  And we haven’t fucked around in over 10 years.  And I really don’t ever see us fucking around again.  She was my maid of honor, and I will be her’s next fall.  I still talk to her almost everyday.  And, before her guy moved in, if I was staying at her house, we slept in the same bed.  And we didn’t have sex.

I guess my point is it’s not always about sex.  It’s about friendship.  And sometimes sex just happens.  It doesn’t mean it will always happen.  And if any guy thought he could tell me that I couldn’t see my friend, I think I’d tell him to fuck the hell off.  Even if it was a “committed relationship built around love and fidelity.”  Dumb bitch.  Trying to spread vanilla to the people of the world.

Then she continues, saying,”If you don’t have any sexual boundaries yourself, you can’t expect your partner to have them. But if you do have morals…”  Her chain of thought is if you have had a threesome, or hang out with someone who you had sex with before, then you have no sexual boundaries.  And if you have no sexual boundaries, you have no morals.   So, if I have engaged in consensual, adult sex, and it either involved three people, or I still have these people in my life, I have no morals.  God, I fucking hate people!  And just so you know, I’m trying really hard not to quote out of context.  This is literally two lines down from the last quote.

Person wearing fishnet stockings and high heels.

Image via Wikipedia

Then, she turns the post into a religious monologue, saying “Here’s the reality: Sex is about three things: procreation, connection, and pleasure.”  Ahhh…  Now I understand.  You want us all to have lots of babies that we can’t afford in a world that is already over crowded.  I get it.  Geez, you’d think Michelle Dugger fucking wrote this.  She talks about how the only reason we have the desire to have sex and receive pleasure from it, is because of procreation.  And I don’t disagree.  But just because it developed that way (she uses the word “create”), doesn’t mean that is the only way to use it.  After all, opposable thumbs allowed for tool making, does that mean that they can’t be used for video games?

She ends with “But over time, the “sex without love” person becomes emotionally numb, cut off from the ability to attach and form a lasting commitment.”  The only thing that I have to say to that, lady, is that if your “committed relationship” focused on “love and fidelity” with all your “boundaries” and “morals” leaves you emotional satisfied but dry as a desert, then I’ll take “emotionally numb” and my lack of “sexual boundaries” for a dripping pussy.

And people wonder why we are still a sexually repressed society.

14 responses to “WTF! More Bullshit Relationship Advice

  1. It’s not an uncommon point of view; none other than sexpert Dr. Drew shares it, for example.

    We’re a sex-obsessed culture, but that’s very different than being a sex-positive culture. When we put values other than consent at the center of how we think about sex between adults, the results are a mixed bag, I think.

    • I know it’s not uncommon, but it’s fucking stupid. Like not believing in evolution or global climate change. Fucking stupid ignorant people. And you are so right Lily. Obsessed with sex, but then we take our own sexuality and jam it into a closet, jumping up and down on it, trying to hide it underneath the floor boards. Regressing it. Because we’re ashamed. But look anywhere, ANYWHERE, from billboards, to commercials, to fucking cartoons, and you will see overtly sexy men and women, breasts spilling over tops, pants so tight you can count pubic hairs, the word “sex” plastered across magazine covers in grocery store check out lines. But yet we encourage sex to be secret. Private. Something you don’t talk to people about. People sit in strip clubs all night, shoving dollar bills down the panties of single moms, but are afraid to teach their kids about safe sex. Sex obsessed. Not sex positive. So true.

  2. “After all, opposable thumbs allowed for tool making, does that mean that they can’t be used for video games?” Sorry, sometimes I can’t concentrate on the content when a particular sentence sends me into a compositional frenzy. This sentence did it. Not only are you a terrific writer, but a thought like that is witty, sardonic, clever, and hip, all at once. You go, girl !!

    • Ha! Thanks George. You make me feel good. (Fuck. I hate this song. It’s my 5 year old’s favorite. Now it’s going to be in my head all day. La, la. La. La, la. I will share my annoyance with you!).

  3. That was fun I wonder how Nina will reply to this comment on her sire.

    Dear Adam, How anyone could take your limited amount of information and provide reasonable and helpful advice raises red flags for me. This is only componded by the statement “its not ok to have threesomes” The moral bias of this expert only perpetuates her narrowminded misguided ambisions to mold you in her image.
    Sharing love in an open and giving way free from judgements unconditional can be a wonderfull experience both emotional and physically. Once you start to place moral restrictions upon sex and love making you perpetuate the shame and guilt that keeps these so called experts employed. I would postulate that your willingness to seek out advice fom these experts only demonstrates how right I am. Shame on you for being so ashamed of sex that your girlfriend needed to lie to you to find acceptance in her sexuality.
    If you are lonesome it is by your own choice while your girlfiend has the love and support of many caring loving persons you have only the shame of your sexually repressed sexpert as cold comfort.
    While I too am only making assumpsions based on the limited information in your question at least I am not making my living by enabling the monkey on your back.

    Cruel

  4. Gillian Colbert

    Here’s the deal in my opinion, it’s all about what you put into it. If you aren’t putting anything emotional into the sex, even if it’s just about loving sex in all its facets, then by definition you will become numb, etc … point of proof, my Whoring post. I definitely became desensitized to sex. It wasn’t until I really began to appreciate sex and all of its incarnations that I began to appreciate “alternative” sexual activities too.

    Thinking “out loud” for a minute, I think we end up blaming sex for our dysfunctions rather than blaming our dysfunctions for our bad/repressed sex.

    Anyhoo … great post.

    • I completely agree Gillian. If you are a black hole of connections, either emotional or physical, than you will not feel. And you’re “out loud” thinking is right on, babe. Absolutely fucking true! Thank you for your great insight.

  5. I have to agree. The author of that post made assumptions based on a physically and psychologically debunked view of human sexuality. The use of the idea of morality is a huge tell. This person believes in ‘good’ sex and ‘bad’ sex, where bad sex is bad because it’s immoral. This person is coming at sexuality from a religious standpoint.

    Better advice for this guy would be to talk to his partner about his doubts and maybe look at his own trust issues.

  6. Lady, your mind and mine are on similar journey’s. This is a bloody great post, can I re-post it on AHOD? I am totally over those who hang onto the supposed fact that sex is about babies primarily. Yes, making a child is up there IMHO but it aint the be all and end all. Anyway, that’s enough from Mr Ranty-pants. Ciao.

  7. Thank you for posting this! As always love your point of view. I echo loudly your point of view. Sooooo reblogged this to my page!

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