Every once in awhile, I get an email from a reader looking for advice, and often times it’s about how to ask for D/s or add some BDSM to the bedroom. While I’m not necessarily an expert, I’ll offer my advice when I can.
And today I was thinking random thoughts, and I realized that if someone reached out to ask me a question, there’s probably 100 other readers who have the same question, problem, or issue, but never asked, and that I could share my responses with my readers.
This is from an email from close to two years ago, from a married woman who finally confessed to her husband that she wanted to add some D/s to their relationship. He was receptive. They played a bit. Then the D/s faded away until it was gone. She couldn’t help but wonder what she did wrong.
Here’s my *edited* response.
- You, I am assuming, have thought about D/s for some time before you mentioned it to your husband. If you are anything like me, you not only thought about it, but you played it out in your head, fantasized about it, and maybe even rubbed down a few to it. But your husband, he probably never thought about it until you brought it up. For us, this meant that M’s head and thoughts on the matter were way different than where mine were. And it took him awhile to become comfortable with certain things, things that I didn’t think twice about.
- On that same note, give him some time. But don’t let it drift too far from his mind. Because it might… You said that you think he gave up on it; have you asked him? That’s where you should start. Because I doubt that’s the case. I would more likely think he just doesn’t know where to go with it, what to do. If it just drifted off, and you didn’t say anything, he probably hasn’t thought much about it. Ask. See where’s he’s at.
- Being dominate isn’t easy. It’s a lofty task, and one that doesn’t come with an instruction manual. And the very idea of it conflicts with much of what men are taught to believe. So it’s not like there is a switch, where all the old things fall away and suddenly he’s cracking a whip, calling you a dirty whore, and spanking you when you mouth off too much.