3 girls kissing.

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Now we are getting into the meat of this business.  You’ve talked about it, you know you want to do it, you know what your and your partner’s issues are and have prepared yourself to deal with them.  Now, you just don’t know how the hell to find a third person for your threesome.  Well, that’s where I come in (no, I’m not your third…  Well, maybe…).  Welcome to Part 3 in LSAM’s Threesome series.

I’m focusing primarily on FFM here, and I’m sorry.  I’ve never gone the other way, so I’m not sure I’m qualified to give advice on that aspect of threesomes.  But if I had to guess, most guys (ok, ok, some guys) would jump at the chance.  Just ask them!  Even if they say no, they’ll be flattered that you asked…

There are multiple ways to go about finding a third.  Maybe you already have someone in mind.  Maybe you want it to be a stranger.  Maybe someone who you just pick up at the bar.  However you want to do it, there are things to think about because, no matter what, there’s going to be positives and negatives to each person.

Friends

This is often the first thing that people think of.  And it can work.  But you have to be careful.  Very careful.  And there are lots of things to consider.  Is it a one time thing, or, if it goes well, is it something you would like to occur relatively often?  Are you going to be able to sit over coffee with her or have play-dates (with the children, people, come on now!) without picturing her with her lips wrapped around your man’s cock?  And what if it sucks, how are you going to handle that?  And if it does suck for you, but she thought it was great, and wants to do it again, how are you going to tell her that you don’t want to without hurting her feelings?  Even worse, are you going to trust your partner with this person in the future?  Will you be able to leave them alone, with out worrying they are jumping each other’s bones when you walk out the door?  (Not that they are…  Chances are they aren’t.  But is the possibility going to be on your mind?).

Most importantly, are you willing to risk your friendship with this person to have sex with them?  Because it can happen.  More often than you might think.  Sex, in and of itself, has ruin the best of friendships.  Throw in another person and a long-term relationship, and damn, it’s surprising this actually ever works out.

But if this is the route you want to go, and you have someone in mind, you have to figure out a way to approach them.  Maybe mention that the two of you were talking about fantasies the other day and see if they take the bait.  Maybe just flat-out ask them.  This is just going to depend on you, them, and your relationship.  Drop hints.  Be direct.  Somewhere in between is probably your best bet…

Strangers

This can be sexy, but it’s very risky, in multiple ways.  The best way, is probably to pick someone up at the bar or at a club, as lame as that sounds.  Go together.  Scope out the scene.  Watch the

a trio of languid lesbians enjoying a salami.

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girls dancing, watch how they interact with each other.  You chances are probably going to be a lot better if you have the woman do it.  Other women are going to respond better that way, knowing that this guy isn’t just some creeper.

Websites

There are plenty of adult websites out there that can help you find a third.  But it takes time and money to cipher through them all.  The two best, in my opinion are Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison.  You can join both for free (I have) but to actually get anywhere, it’s going to cost you…

  • Adult Friend Finder — It’s your basic adult hook-up site.  No bells, no whistles.  Probably actually a little better than A.M. (**ha!  this made me think of you Accidental!**) if you are a couple looking for a single female.
  • Ashley Madison — The motto for this site is “Life is short.  Have an affair.”  I remember the first time I saw anything about it.  I was watching youporn (imagine that) and there was this pop-up.  And it was the sexiest picture ever.  It was a black and white picture of a man going down on a girl from her point of view.  His hands wrapped around her hips.  The only color in the picture was the gold of his wedding band.  That has nothing to do with anything, it just vividly sticks out in my mind.  I was so taken aback by the sexiness of the picture, that I clicked the link.  And was dumbfounded by the idea behind the site (M was also working on the road at this time, so maybe I was slightly concerned about the concept…).  The idea behind the site is that it is for “discrete affairs.”  There aren’t a whole lot of people looking for couples, but if you are patient, they’re there.
My thought is when you find someone you are interested in, make contact.  Then have one of you, probably her, meet with the other in a neutral place.  Just to touch base.  Discuss the situation.  Test the chemistry.  Then set up a time and place for the actual event to occur.

Clubs

Any decent sized city is going to have a Swingers Club, which, if you and your partner are comfortable enough, is a good place to start.  Even if you are just thinking about it, a swingers club will show you a little about the lifestyle of sharing, while allowing you to only…  dip your toes into the pool while you get comfortable with the idea.  At a club, there is no obligation to do any playing, only to respect one another and other couples.  A good place to start is Swing Life Style.  This site allows you to search other swingers and find clubs and events near you.  It’s actually a pretty good site  (although the site itself appears rather cheap) with lots of good information on it.  You should check it out.  Join the site, and they will (discreetly) send you a “Lifestyle” magazine with lots of interesting information.  I’ve only received one (Winter 2012), so I don’t know how often it comes, but it was interesting none the less.

Final Thoughts

  • Remember, single women that are willing to play with couples are special.  In the world of
    Unicorns (cricket team)swingers, they are actually called Unicorns.  If going through a site or a club, don’t assume one is just going to fall in your lap (or on your face).  She gets hit on all the time.  Take a different approach.  Make her feel special.  After all, she’s the one that is making your fantasies come true.
  • This will be discussed more in the next Threesome post, but I think the third, at least in a FFM (cause I think it’s different in a MMF), should get a lot of attention.  From both of you.  Maybe even be the star of the play…  But more on this later…
  • Remember to protect yourself.  If you are hooking up with someone who plays a lot, they probably get STD tested regularly.  But maybe not.  Use protection.  Always.  And don’t switch back and forth between girls without changing condoms.  You want special memories from this night, not a dose of penicillin.  Or worse.
  • It may take a while to find an appropriate third.  Especially the first time.  Don’t get discouraged.  Take your time.  Look around.  It will happen.
  • And always, remember to talk to each other.  And then talk some more.  Make sure you and your partner are on the same page throughout the process.  In my humble opinion, there can not be too much talking in the preparation and execution of a threesome.