Threesomes: Are You Ready?

I think over the next couple of weeks I’m going to do a series on threesomes.  I’ve got a lot to say about them and there is no way I can fit it all into one post.  Or two.  So, bare with me!  Here we go:  Part 1.

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We’ve all thought about it.  Many of us have done it.  Most of us fantasize about it (at least I do and I’m sure I’m not alone on that one).  But as anyone whose been in a threesome knows, they can change a relationship.  Sometimes for the better, but sometimes for the worst.  So how do you know if you and your partner are ready for a threesome?  These simples steps can help you decide if you are ready to invite someone else into your bed.

Talk About It

First and foremost, you’ve got to talk about it.  A lot.  And I don’t just mean in bed, with your hands down each other’s pants.  I mean a serious, meaningful conversation.  When you’re not fucking and you’re not drunk.  And more than “Hey, wanna have a threesome?”  Discuss the details.

  • Is this just a fantasy that we talk about in bed, or is it something we really want to follow through with?
  • What kind of threesome are you interested in:  FFM, MFM?
  • Who will the third be:  a friend, an acquaintance, a stranger?
  • Will it be planned out, or will you just “wing” it?

Discuss your motivation for wanting a threesome.  Obviously, it’s hot as hell, but beyond that, what are you looking for?  It could be that you want to see your partner with another person.  It could be the girl in the cubicle next to you is really hot and you think you’d like to fuck her.  Maybe you’re looking for something new to share with your partner.  It could be any number of things, but make sure you know WHY you want a threesome.  Having a threesome because you want to fuck somebody else specific, probably not the best idea (but, depending on the situation, it could be a good thing).  Bored in your sex life, again, maybe not the best situation either.  But you need to figure it out.  Together.

Discuss your fears and worries, because they will be there.  Concerns such as what if he likes it more with her than with me, what if his cock is bigger than mine, what if they fall in love.  Discuss these.  Reinforce your love and desire for one another.  It may seem kind of silly and pointless, but it will help once things play out.

Be On Board

You both must want it.  You can’t do it for him, and he can’t do it for you.  Don’t be dumb and do it “please” your

Threesomepartner.  In the long run, it won’t.  If neither one of you is 100 percent sure, it will fuck things up.  Insecurities will pop up all over the place.  You both must want it.  And you must be able to compromise on how it’s going to happen, who with, and what the rules will be (yes, sometimes, especially in LTRs, there will be rules).  You need to do it for yourself, because it’s something you want to do.  And that is the only reason to follow through with it, because YOU want to.

Expectations

As with anything in life, things rarely go how we plan them.  This is one more reason to talk about it.  A lot.  You may be thinking you’re going to invite this girl to your bed and you are going to fuck the shit of her.  Your girl, on the other hand, thinks that she and this girl are going to kiss a little, maybe lick each other’s pussies, but doesn’t expect you to fuck her.  If this is the case, and it’s not discussed before hand, there will be mixed emotions right in the middle of everything, and, believe me, that is the last thing you’ll want. Set limits so no one crosses any lines.  And so everyone knows where those lines are.  For instance, I’m thinking have planning a threesome for M and me for his birthday.  M has never been involved in one and it’s been a long time since I have.  But one thing I am not okay with is him fucking her without me there.  I don’t know why, but it would bother me.  So that’s my stipulation.  If I’m not involved (in the shower, sleeping, whatever) there should not be any penetration.  This is something you and your partner have to figure out, what’s going to work for the both of you.

Trust

More important than anything else mentioned, you have got to trust one another.  Completely.  And you both need

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to be comfortable with where your relationship is.  Right now.  Not last month, not next year.  Right now.  Believe me, a threesome will not fix your relationship.  Again, a threesome will NOT fix your relationship.  If you are not in a good place, if there are commitment issues, jealousy issues, you need to work these out before you even think about having a threesome.

Final Thoughts

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying every threesome needs to be planned out.  I’ve been in some pretty hot threesomes (a specific FFF comes to mind) that were completely spontaneous.  And they didn’t do any damage to either friendships or relationships.  But I’ve also had those threesomes that “just happened” and kind of fucked with one of the people involved.  My point being, you’ve got to think things through.  You are inviting someone into you bed, into your relationship, into your intimate world.  Be prepared.  There will be consequences!

And remember, there’s much more to come; another threesome post next week!

15 responses to “Threesomes: Are You Ready?

  1. Fun topic, I hope you share the details of the birthday treat you have planned for M

  2. Thanks Torn… And when it happens, I will! 🙂

  3. Great topic, me too, can’t wait to read details of M upcoming birthday treat. 🙂

    • 🙂 Oh, boy… You guys are making me nerveous! As his birthday gets closer (it’s at the end of March), and the actual preparations begin, I’m sure I’ll be writing about it. The idea, itself, is exciting, so the planning, the pursuit, excites me…

  4. Excellent post. This is a major fantasy for me and a recurring plot in my stories. I have serious questions, concerns and hang ups in real life though that make me question whether it will ever happen. Namely trust and insecurity.

    I’m so glad I found your blog. It’s informative and open, and I love that. Thanks!

    • Thanks, it means a lot! And keep me posted on the questions, concerns, hang ups, as these are all things I plan on covering in the “Threesome” series. I know what mine are, and I’m interested in what other people are concerned about. I want to make sure I’m covering all aspects.

  5. The other thing to think about is the perspective of your third. All too often, couples get wrapped up in preserving their own relationship, and the outsider may end up feeling like a sexual accessory for a couple who sees her as a bucket list item rather than a person.

    The fact that being the third in a threesome isn’t always that rewarding is one of the reasons why bisexual women willing to join a heterosexual couple — the most sought-after configuration — are so rare that they’re called “unicorns.”

    • Very good point Lily… I’m actually planning a post on something like this. I think that a good solution to many of the problems that arise in the threesome dynamic is to have the “couple” focus on the “other.” Now a big part of that is that the woman in the couple needs to either be bi, or willing to try it out. But if she is willing, by both of you focusing on pleasuring the other woman, you are sharing the experience, AND making her feel special, increasing the chance that she’ll come back to your bed again. More on this to come later.

      And thanks for commenting!

  6. Great post, and, so true.

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