If you read regularly, you make remember a few months ago, when I was ranting about the iVillage 2013 Sex Survey. Well, I just wanted to warn you, I’m doing it again.

Be prepared.

And I promise, I’m at least going to try and not repeat what I said last time. We’ll see how that goes.

Obligations

  • 59% of women and 39% of men report having sex out of obligation, at least sometimes. They say this like it’s a bad thing, and I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. As a matter of fact, I think it’s a wonderful thing. See, here’s the thing — sometimes you’re not in the mood, and that’s okay. But what happens when you’re not in the mood for a week, 2 weeks, a month, 5 months? You get the picture. When you’re not having sex, a terrible thing can happen… You can stop wanting sex. So don’t let that happen. Have sex, even when you don’t want it, at least once in awhile. And there’s a good fucking chance that if you do put out, and actively participate (come on girls, don’t just lay there like a log, partake in the enjoyment), you’ll end up being glad you did.

Libido

  • 43% of women have been in the mood within the last week. 55% of men have. What the fuck? Don’t people want to fuck? I think I started masturbating regularly at 12 or 13. I can’t think of a whole week that has ever gone by in those 20 years that I haven’t wanted to cum. No wonder people are such assholes! Christ, everyone’s bent up sexual frustration is leaking out onto the streets and the sales of antidepressants are skyrocketing. Fuck more, people, you’ll be happier. I promise you that.

Turn Offs

  • Top turn offs: Stress — women 49%, men 37%. Exhaustion — women 46%, men 30%. You want to know something? Sex, both with and without orgasms, releases stress due to the increase in oxytocin. Oh, and one more thing… Sex helps you sleep better, relaxes you, and makes you feel closer to your partner. Yeah, so go get laid; the stress levels will drop. Promise.

Snooping

  • 34 % of men and 20% of women admit to checking their spouses phone for evidence of cheating. Okay. People cheat. 1 in 5, they say. But let me tell you something. If you are looking for something, trying to find some little piece of evidence against your partner, chances are you are going to find it whether it’s there or not. Does that make any sense? What I’m trying to say is that if you are looking to find something, there is a good chance you will come across something innocent, and make it into something big. Honestly, I think most people who cheat are smart about it. They don’t leave blatant evidence laying around to be found. Just sayin’.

Porn

  • 63% of women say they never watch online porn. Why the fuck not? I think this is a lie. I watch online porn all the time. I didn’t know other people didn’t. At least not people that would take part in an online sex survey! People need to masturbate more. You hear me? Go now. Rub one down. It’s good for you for christ’s sake!

Best Sex

  • 45% of women and 68% of men say they married the best sex of their lives. Damn fucking right!

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So that’s it. Not too exciting, but thought I’d share what’s going on out there in bedrooms across America. Sad, but true.