The Purpose of Punishment

So I’m not sure what got me thinking about this, but I seem to remember jotting down this title the morning after punishment with the belt. I don’t really like the belt. Not much at all. It hurts, and not in the way I like. The thud of a flogger, love it. The sting of bamboo, love it. The smack of a hand, well, you get the picture. But the belt… fuck, I don’t really know, but it makes me want to punch the bed and scramble away and cry and scream and curse at Sir for making it hurt so bad when I damn well know that he can make it hurt soo0 much more.

This is a pic of the last time the belt was used. About an hour afterwards, after I had the shit fucked out of me...

This is a pic of the last time the belt was used. About an hour afterwards, after I had the shit fucked out of me…

So, yeah, I don’t like the belt.

And M respects that, and doesn’t pull it out during play time. But if I fuck up, and fuck up bad, it’s what gets used. And never too many, this time particularly it was 10. And I remember this fight vividly, as it was a long one, that went well into the night. During a lull in our arguing, I told M he should beat me, that it would make him feel better. But the good Sir that he is, he didn’t. He was angry and knew it and therefore wouldn’t punish me in anger.

But, because he IS a good Sir, he also knew that I would need punished for my transgressions.  So the next day after work, while the kiddos were gone, I was told to go upstairs and get ready. Bending over the bed with my skirt pulled up around my waist, and my panties pulled down to my knees, I gnawed on my bottom lip waiting for the first swing. And by the time the tenth one came down, I scrambled to the top of the bed, whining “Fuck Daddy, that hurt!!”

But then he made me feel all better…

But, some of you may ask, why do we engage in this? Why would I intentionally lay across my bed, naked ass in the air, to get hit with a belt in an activity I don’t enjoy?

Well, it’s so we can move forward. When punishment is in place, it’s sort of like the final wrap up to everything that occurred: we argued, we fought, we made up, punishment happened. Now it’s over. It will not be brought up again in the middle of another argument. It will not be thrown in each other’s face later in time. The deed was done. The consequences suffered. Now it’s dead and buried.

That’s why I, rather we, partake in punishment. Because it gives us an ending point, a way to move forward through the muck and find our way back together. Previous to our dynamic, there were issues and actions that would be drug up and thrown at each other when we were heated from years (and I mean many years) past. Sometimes it would seem like we were just having the same fight over and over again, with only a few words or the setting changed. But punishment has moved us forward out of that downward spiral.

Now, after punishment, the only thing left is perhaps a small red welt, that like the fight, fades with time.

That, my friends, is why I will bend over and take what is given to me, no matter if it makes me want to yell and scream and cry. Because the brief moment of pain  is well worth the ability to let something go.

It’s kind of like a healing balm to our relationship… Hope that makes some sense to someone…

27 responses to “The Purpose of Punishment

  1. Makes sense. Like a spanking when you’re a kid, it has the same wallop (pun intended). Nice tush.

  2. Loved the way you explain why. Takes something that on the surface does not make a lot of sense, and makes it make a lot of sense.

    • I’m glad that you (and everyone else that commented) feel that way. It works for us. It might not work for everybody, or even most people. But our power exchange is strong, and my trust in M even stronger. That’s what makes this okay, and what makes it work for us. *hugs and kisses*

  3. Hmm, maybe I should try this technique. Sounds exciting. Except that I don’t fuck up as much as The Hubby. And I don’t think he’d take to kindly to getting spanked with a belt. He cringes and tries to run away every time I pinch his ass.

  4. Forgive everything I’m about to say here, ok? Your post was excellent, and really made me think. And cute ass too!

    Sometimes I spiral, deep into a place of resentment, fear, and anger. Sometimes set off by an incident with my husband. Sometimes its a friend dismissing or flaking on me. In this mind frame I feel like everything going through my head has to be processed through that negative mentality, focus on life and happiness is put on hold until the negative cloud passes.

    I say this because these are the times I feel like I just need to be beaten, to make the cloud pass, to heal and feel better. To emerge better, forgetting that cloud I had to work against. Kind of like in the movies when someone is hysterical and gets slapped and feels better. Like a wake up call. Or at least a momentary fucking escape.

    Unlike you, I don’t get anything more than a spank, a little one. And communication about why or why not doesn’t happen…where am I going here? Damn anger cloud. I’m going to have to post boobs today in effort to feel better. I’m wondering…if you get to spank him when he messes up? Is this fair? What is fair? When the pain goes away, how does it make the problem that caused it go away?
    Is the aftercare as important as the sting?

    And the thing is, I don’t feel like I deserve to be hurt, I just deserve to be snapped back into reality where a simple thing doesn’t feel devastating. This is all really different than what you said above, right?

    Please, if you want to answer, take your time.

    Great post, hugs!

    • No forgiveness needed G. I know exactly what you mean regarding the “negative cloud.”

      When I hit over 400 words in my response to this comment, I decided just to make it a post. Expect to see it with in the next hour. Or maybe tomorrow morning.

      But a few quick questions… Why aren’t you communicating about this? Would he not be receptive? Are you afraid you wouldn’t always be receptive if he suggested it?

      • I’ve suggested harder spankings, but never in the context of break me out of this funk please. But, he says its weird. Also, I guess I want to avoid pain. Hmmm. Ok I read your other post but I want to read it again before responding. Kisses!
        G

        • Ah, well, maybe it is weird. But really, who isn’t weird in one way or another? If it’s something you want to try, as far as a breaking your negative cloud, don’t think of it as pain, and don’t portray it as such. Instead, start slow. Warm up. You’ll be amazed at how much your ass can take if you start slow. Explain it in terms of endorphins… A long, slow OTK spanking that starts with a warm-up and ends in hard smacks that would normally have me screaming, is the quickest and most sure way to get me into subspace. And when you’re there, it’s not necessarily painful as much as sensation. Just something to think about! *hugs and kisses*

          • I’m resisting him doing this to me but the thought of someone else doing it….umm hard to think straight about that (like it). But I’m reading, and hearing and pondering all of this.

  5. Unlike you, my love, I enjoy the belt quite a bit, but it is still used as punishment (my ass and other parts still hurt from early, early this morning, but more on that later). Our go to implement for “ya’ done fucked up” is the cane, or even sometimes his hand… OTK. It’s very cathartic, the whole act of spanking as a punishment.

    I wonder if it is something innate… like something left over from childhood? I’m not sure. I was never spanked as a child, I was beaten, severely, past the point of punishment and more on the side of abuse, but I didn’t enjoy it then–nor do my punishments trigger memories or the like.

    But now, in our dynamic I find that I *need* punishment when I’ve messed up. Not just disobeyed or fought with him either, but when I fuck up in school or at work or I lapse in something I really want to do better at. When he punishes me it is like it’s truly over, as you say.

    Excellent post to jump start my brain and my morning. Have a good Hump Day, darling.

    xoxo

    • Fatal love, something innate… Yes. It’s so hard to explain, the want of it. It is almost a need for my psyche.

      I think, for me, it’s somewhat about accountability. If I get away with something, and don’t receive a consequence, I’ll keep on doing it, even if I know I shouldn’t. I guess I’m kind of like a teenager in that manner. I often think about myself above others, even if that’s not who and what I want to be. For someone who thinks a lot, I don’t always think things through. Instead I get an idea on my head and just go with it, not thinking of the impact on anyone other than me. It’s something that I’m working on, but change is hard and when it comes to changing your thinking, fuck it sometimes seems next to impossible…

      Anyway, punishment is something I try to avoid, and I think that is why the belt ended up being the specific toy for punishment, and only for punishment. If it was his hand or something we used regularly, I don’t know if it would have the same impact. Because, as I’m sure you understand, there are times when I will be a brat to get a beating, but the belt isn’t used then… I don’t know… maybe has to do with symbolism or something.

      As far as the childhood thing, I don’t remember ever being beat with a belt. I do however remember being chased around the house with it, and I would assume that at least some of the time I got caught. I don’t know though. No memory of what happened after the chase. But I honestly don’t think it has anything to do with that. I thought I would love the belt. The idea of the belt excites me. It’s the sting/thud/searing pain that it creates that makes me cringe. It hurts in a way I don’t like, much like hot wax. I’m pretty sure I could be conditioned to like it, but we haven’t ventured that way.

      Whew! That was a lot! haha. *hugs and kisses*

  6. I think any way two people can agree to move on is an excellent tool. Thank you for sharing this LSAM because it shows the logic – which is essential to understanding. You didn’t say what your offense was that “deserved” the belt. I must say, you better had done something horrible.

    • The offense wasn’t so much in action, but in lack of consideration. There was something I did, or was going to do, or perhaps a little bit of both, that I knew M didn’t want me to do. He didn’t tell me no, but definitely verbalized his dislike of the idea. Because he didn’t say no, I decided to do it. And not just decided to do it, but, on the surface, convinced myself that he was okay with it. And I damn well knew that he wasn’t.

      And then when faced with his disapproval, I threw a temper tantrum. Like a two year old, pounding my fists off the bed. Literally.

      I never said I wasn’t a crazy bitch. 😉 *hugs and kisses*

  7. Pingback: More on Punishment: A response to G | Love Sex and Marriage

  8. I can’t have spanking in ANY form as a punishment. That being said as much as I hate punishment (really, does ANYONE like it?), it does give closure to the issue. I’m able to put it down (whatever it was) and move on. I never could do that with things in my vanilla relationships. I held on to them, gnawed on them, worried over them, and yes, dredged them back up later…so yeah, punishments suck, but they work, and that’s really what matters.

  9. Thanks, once again.

  10. I very much hate to punish, to me it is like spanking your child. In six months, I have punished Arianna once and only once.
    When I explain something I go into great details. If something is forgotten I think about it. Could it of been a simple mistake. We all make mistakes even as Dominants.
    So no if something is looked over, I will not punish. I plan out Ariannas day. I know what she can and cannot do. I never put to much on her plate, but enough to keep busy.
    I believe a Slave needs down time, to breath.
    Okay a lot has to do with the submissive or slave as well, how compliant they are, how serious they are about the life. The last thing a slave wants to do is mess up.
    Arianna has panic attacks and is bipolar as well , but on good meds.
    One thing that helps is every night we sit in the center of the bed with the lights off and talk. This is her free time to express her feelings. Free time, down time very important.

  11. I have had what I consider punishment very rarely. Probably way less than I deserve. I would say I am deserving when I do something with intention that I know can do damage to us, our relationship, our family, etc. Not that I am intentionally doing damage, but I know the side effects could be damaging. If I do something, knowing that M does not want me doing it, but disregard that, because my want to do it is stronger. Those are what I consider punishable offenses. It’s one thing to get a hand smack on the ass because I didn’t do the dishes. It’s something different to have the voice in my head say “Daddy doesn’t want you to do that. You know it’s going to make him verrryyyy unhappy,” and go ahead and do it anyway.

    xoxo

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