Be prepared. This may get a little ranty.

My friend BIG RICH stumbled upon a few articles and emailed them to me this morning. I guess he thought I’d find them interesting. Or maybe he misses hearing my tangents. Either way, this is what he got.

They’re both from Christianity Today and I picked The Real Problem With Female Masturbation because I thought it would be more interesting. I haven’t read the other one yet, this one’s enough for right now. But after skimming it, I think I’m glad I didn’t; it might piss me off more than this did.

I started the article and, honestly, I was rather impressed by the first paragraph where Jordon Monge praises women for bringing masturbation up in conversation. Damn right. Let’s talk about it.

Then she starts to discuss lust, and that’s when I started rolling my eyes, although she included valid points. Things like Christianity focusing on the wife fulfilling the husband’s desires, but never concerning itself with the woman’s libido, even though she should be passionate and exciting at the drop of his whim.

 It treats sex as a man’s playing field, reinforcing the notion that women should cater to men’s desires without possessing similar desires of their own…

We need a biblical approach that recognizes both the immense pleasure of the female orgasm and the inherent goodness of sexual desire while reserving its proper place for within marriage.

This is the last line on the first page, and I was like Hell Yeah! with a fist pump. I was excited for where I thought Monge was going with this, but I was so very wrong.

She continues talking about lust and how it needs to be treated like any other sin and we must learn the “discipline of self-control.”

Humph. Well, see here we differ. But I’m okay with that. I understand we all have different opinions and believe different things. I don’t believe mine is in anyway better than other’s, simply something that works for me. I’m not here to judge.

But then she goes on about how “wanting to be wanted” pretty much makes you a whore (my words, not hers; her words were “immodest” and “reach out to any man”). She criticizes finding “the act of being wanted sexually arousing,” stating that there is no moral outlet from this arousal except in the marriage bed.

See, I didn’t realize until right about here that Monge really believed masturbation was a bad thing. I thought her stance was that they were wrong, and it was natural for a woman to have a libido and embrace it. That it was necessary to become a passionate wife.

Nope. Her position is that we need to learn about self-discipline and monitor our cycles, so that we can “avoid temptation” and learn to “tame our lust,” so we don’t rub one down. And she’s tricky. See, she’s not only telling you to control yourself, but she knows the longer you go without it, the longer you fight it, the weaker it gets. Ignore your libido long enough, and it will fade away.

What. The. Fuck. You want me to fuck my husband whenever he wants. You want me to keep him excited with new things so he stays interested and doesn’t stray. But you want me to kill my own sex drive. You want me to cum like a banshee for my husband, embrace the “immense pleasure of the female orgasm” but don’t want me to touch it myself, learn about my own body, what makes it feel good, how to make those very same female orgasms happen.

But of course. I forgot. Perhaps if I pray hard enough, perhaps if I’m pious enough, if I “discipline” myself enough. Perhaps then God would grant me multiple-toe-curling-hanging-from-the-rafters orgasms. Perhaps I am wrong.

Yeah. Fuck that. I’m not leaving this in God’s hands.

See, my God, the one that’s in my heart, he/she/it doesn’t care if I touch myself. I am not to be ashamed of my body and things that bring it pleasure. Sex and masturbation and orgasms are not bad things. They are wondrous things. They are things that make life amazing.

Especially in the union of a marriage (or any other relationship for that matter). Having sexual desire, wanting your man, wanting your man to want you, these are many of the things that keep good marriages together. They are things that keep couples talking and intimate. Keeps them happy and home. Things that make marriages last.

And it’s bullshit like this that keeps women down, keeps them ashamed of themselves and their bodies. Makes them want to fuck in the dark and fake orgasms.

It’s information like this that give so many of us a bad name, branding us because we enjoy our bodies, for ourselves, yes, but also for our partners, so we can enjoy sex with them more, give and take pleasure together. Share in something awe-inspiring instead of laying there like a dead fish.

It’s fucking Bullshit.