Sub-Space in Relation to Drug Use…

So, keep in mind as you read this, that I have no idea how true any of it is.  I am very educated in drug use and addiction (from textbooks, professional trainings, and straws and mirrors), so that stuff is all legit, but the other, well, someday soon I’ll research it, but just don’t have the time tonight and this was on my mind.  Deal with it.  Or don’t.

Anyway, today I was sitting on the back porch and thinking about flying, and not the Delta Air kind.  I was thinking of what it’s like to be in sub-space, how it feels.  It’s not something I can verbalize, even to myself.  Fuck, actually, it’s hard for me to even think of how it feels, if that makes any sense.  I can describe the come-down; the feelings after flying.  It’s calming, sort of peaceful, with very little thought, just feelings of elation.  Contentment.  Like someone could tell me the house was on fire, and I’d be like, “Oh, okay.  That’s good.”  (Sort of how you feel if you take to many benzos…  You just go with the flow, no matter where that flow takes you).

Dopamine Pathways. In the brain, dopamine play...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So this thought process led me to think that the closest thing that I could even come close to comparing flying to was using drugs (more on this in a minute).  And I started thinking about brain chemistry and the VTA (which stands for ventral tegmental area, an area in the midbrain that begins the mesolimbic pathway, and tends to be referred to as the reward circuit) and the release of endorphins increasing the dopamine output in the nucleus accumbens and it’s no fucking wonder I like it so damn much!  (Sorry about all the nerd stuff… but the brain is REALLY fucking cool.)

And then I start thinking about not being able to describe sub-space is kind of like not being able to describe tripping on acid.  You can remember what happened, you can remember what you did (sometimes), but you can’t quite get a clear picture of what you were feeling or where your mind was or what it was like.  And, fuck, to even try to describe tripping to someone who has never dosed, don’t even attempt it.  They will not get it.  But if you have, maybe you can get what I’m saying here.  Well, flying is sort of like that.  I know what happens, I can (sometimes) remember what I did, but I can’t get a clear picture of inside my head, of where I was and what I was feeling, or pull in that memory of what it’s like.  No matter how hard I try, I’m at a loss.

For instance, the strongest experience that I’ve had flying was mentioned the other day in a comment on The Dom Next Door‘s Torn series.  A quick description of the events, as this is not what this post is about.  It was right after (and I mean right after, think Off The Gridtimeframe) M and I started this D/s venture, and it was our first experience with fisting.  We had been playing for hours (and hours).  My ankles were secured together with a pretty pair of panties twisted between them.  M’s fist was fully inserted in my pussy (after a LOT of time getting it there).  His other hand was tight (very tight) around my neck.  I was very close to safewording, the closest I’d ever been.  I was not only in physical sensory overload, but I was fighting my own demons in my head.  Did I truly trust him enough?  Would he take this too far?  Etc, etc, etc.  I was struggling NOT to safeword, when all of a sudden it hit me…  Pure euphoria.  And I was flying.  And crying.  And I don’t even know how long I was gone.  And I say gone, because truly, I was no longer there, I was in some distant pleasure induced space…  Sub-space.

A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. ...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And I can remember it feeling good.  And I can remember coming down.  M’s hand on my cheek (no longer around my throat, but the other was still buried deep in my pussy, because, in case you’ve never been involved in fisting, it’s almost as hard to get out as it is to get in), him talking softly to me.  Telling I was okay.  And, fuck, I KNEW things were okay at that point.  Things were fucking fantastic.  My heart was overjoyed.  I felt wonderful.  There was nothing wrong in the universe.  (Anyone out there ever roll?  Because that is sort of how ecstasy makes you feel…  Absolutely fantastic and happy and every nerve is sending happy, pleasurable impulses to your brain.)

So I can remember all of that, but damn if I can’t get into my head at that moment.  What was I thinking?  What was I feeling, emotionally?  No fucking clue, but I guarantee it was good.  Perhaps I wasn’t thinking.  Perhaps it IS non-thought.  This also happens to me a lot when I cum…  I lose touch for a few moments, but when I’m flying, it’s more than just a few moments.  Sometimes it feels like an eternity.  An endless ocean of endless heights.  (Anyone ever lose themselves, dancing at a Rave, high as a kite, just losing yourself in the moment, the music, the dance?  Yeah, sort of, kind of like that.)

I don’t know.  I’m rolling up on a thousand words, and I don’t really know if I’ve said what I sat down to say.  I don’t think so, but truly, I don’t remember what the original point was.  (Anyone want to sit down and smoke another joint?).  Maybe, the point is that sub-space is almost like a drug.  It gets you high.  Well, let me speak from the “I” standpoint.  When I’m flying, there is no doubt in my mind that I’m high.  I don’t know if it’s the endorphins.  I don’t know if it’s the dopamine.  I don’t know if it’s everything rolled into one.  But, fuck, am I ever high.  And coming down, it, too, is like coming down from some drugs.  Okay, my jaw doesn’t hurt from clenching, unless I’ve had my bit in, and my nose isn’t raw, but sometimes as I cuddle up next to M, I’m twitchy.  Having small uncontrollable movements.  I don’t want to talk, almost can’t talk, which is the what happens when I eat mushrooms.  I want to just Be.  Relish the moment.  (I’ve never done heroin, but I imagine this is the what that moment is like.  I’ve smoked my fair share of opium, and when the high rolls over you, your whole body feels it and relaxes into it, and, well, it’s heaven.)

Anyway, I’m wrapping this up.  Just some random thoughts thrown out there at ya…

And the song of the day…

33 responses to “Sub-Space in Relation to Drug Use…

  1. Fantastic post, both from a clinical and personal perspective. You did a wonderful job describing the flight inside.

    I always equate to free-falling inside yourself. One by one vestiges of who you are vanish until you hang by a thread onto reality. Below you the pitch black abyss of your soul. Its scary to let go. “I’m the mom, the bill payer, the church goer, the job holder, etc.”

    And finally you take The Leap Of Faith into you….and let go of reality…..and fall….and fly away.


    Because you can trust your Sir to watch after your shell while you’re away. And he’ll be there when you get back and, kiss by hair stroke by “Good girl” give you back all those vestiges you jettisoned to make room to fly….an exchange of power.

    Good post.

  2. Dear LSAM. I’ll sit down and smoke another joint with you. :). A very interesting commentary on something that is very difficult to put into words. But the talk of fisting with a hand on your throat does wonders for my libido. Thanks hun!!

    • And Ginger, if the fates allow, and we end up meeting someday, you can bet your bottom dollar there will be multiple joints involved! And that increase in libido, I hope it serves you well my dear. xoxo. check your email later, too babe, as I’ve been planning on writing you…

  3. It is like rolling… it’s like dancing for days straight with too much water in your tummy, and you can almost feel the spinal fluid seeping out from your pores, but you don’t care,you just keep laughing and you’re crying through the laughter, and then you’re horny as hell and your body is hot, but you feel elevated, lifted, above it all. There’s no one home, no one there. The conscious and conscientious part of you is gone and you couldn’t care less, because you can’t care. He could choke you till you pass out, he could cut you, he could hurt you, he could do anything at that moment, because he has total control, he’s home and in control and you’re trusting him with your body while you’re away.

    And this is why, with both BDSM and drug use, we strive to be around those we trust, around those we love (maybe), around those who can be trusted with something so delicate as our bones and our muscles and our skin and our minds and our hearts.

    I’m feeling you, LSaM, on all counts, I’m feeling you.


    • Ah… yes, a comparison I did not even consider… Interesting. When I was in college, a friend was dealing geltabs, so we were all tripping way too much. And I remember, at times, being at parties where there were shady people, people who were all sketchy and shit, and never really being able to let myself go and trip and have a good time. I was always trying to hold on to something (reality maybe) because I was fearful something would go wrong, and there would be no one there that could handle it… On that note, I don’t know if I could ever allow myself to fly if there was not complete trust. As I mentioned, I was fearful of my trust in M, and he has been in my life for damn near 10 years… Thank you, my dear Fatal, for bring yet another comparison into light. I love you, my dear friend, for parts of our souls we seem to share. xoxoxo

    • Wow! Thrilling description! I’ve gotten close to take off but have never been trusting enough to actually fly.

  4. This is amazing stuff, lsam. I don’t know that I’ve ever read anything that quite describes an experience like this so well. You’re right that it’s hard to put the totality of a strong experiene like this into words, but you’re doing it. This is informative, erotic, beautiful.

  5. Gillian Colbert

    Excellent post, babe. Reminds me of the moment right before I come back from a seizure. Must think more on this.


  6. You did do a good job describing the feeling of subspace. And like some drugs, people get addicted to it. It is a heady mix of endorphins, adrenaline and half a dozen chemicals in your body as well as your own mind in there playing with your head.

    I’ve done ecstasy, pot,(good times), peoyte (not so very good) and while some of the same feeling is there, it does demand trust.

    However, I’ll take the ‘high’ of spanking, fisting, or good sex any time.

  7. deviantdiaries

    I am still on my quest to find a Sir that makes it safe for me to experience it…but you described it exactly as how I imagine it to feel. I sometimes “blank out” when I am engaged in sexual acts…I get like tunnel vision as I am so focused on what I am doing I lose the sense of my surroundings. It has gotten me in trouble in a swing club at least once….because I didn’t have anyone watching me while I was in that state. Highly erotic and chemically charged, but not nearly like subspace as you described with the emotional impact. Some day though (sigh)

    • Welcome, Deviant, to LSAM! And good luck, finding your Sir. I am a lucky girl. I married mine, years before I even knew I wanted/needed a Sir… And then when I realized that I did, I didn’t know what to do… But, OMG, did M man up and become my Sir once he found out about my desires. Don’t give up! He’s out there somewhere.

  8. Wow… Amazing post! We’ve got flying, subspace, neurology, brain chemistry, dopamine pathways, endorphins increasing dopamine output, fisting, and a large buffet of recreational drugs, and drug experiences.

    I’m just gonna go ahead and say this, and it sure won’t be the first time, but you women who are intensely orgasmic and have such powerful orgasms that you just totally lose yourselves in the experience, like you go off into another dimension?

    Well, you’re making me jealous! Lol – No, really. You’re making me jealous, and I wish that I could have an orgasm like that! But unless I somehow magically turn into a woman, and not just any woman, but a woman who can have the orgasmic experience you’ve described, well it just ain’t gonna happen for me, cause I’m a guy. A Wham! Bam! Thank you Ma’am! guy.

    Okay, so it’s not that bad, I mean, there have been times when I’ve cum so hard that I’ve nearly fainted, but flying? subspace? comparing it to powerfully hallucinogenic drugs? Well, please just stop it, cause it’s not fair that I can’t feel like that, and you’re bumming me out!

    I’m kidding! 😀 (well, sorta) And I don’t really begrudge you your out of this world, stratospheric sexual climaxes, followed by feeling lost in subspace,; in fact, I’m happy for you.

    Drugs? Done lots of them in the past, and acid was my favorite, since I had some great experiences tripping. So at least we’re on equal footing on that score… Lol

    • Chris, as always, thank you for commenting. And yes, I understand the jealousy over the crazy orgasms and subspace… I’ve always been multiorgasmic, so I’m a lucky girl (in more ways than one). And I do own a book called “The Multi-Orgasmic Male” which I bought when recommended to me by another blogger (**if you’re out there Loki, I miss you!!**), that discusses the differences between orgasmn and ejaculation, and by learning to seperate the two, men can become multi-ogasmic. All that being said, sub-space is still something new to me, even after nearly 20 years of orgasms (as when I was 12 and started masturbasterbating, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself multi, but I could cum, wait like 10 minutes and do it again). And I’ve had those almost pass out orgasms, but sub-space… Damn, it’s something completely different (neurology, brain chemistry, dopamine pathways, all that geek talk).

      As always, buddy, thanks. And it’s nice to have equal footing somewhere!! 😉

      • Thank you for your understanding, LSAM. I guess I’ll just have to be content with the satisfaction of CAUSING the type of incredibly intense orgasmic experience that you’ve described. I’ve succeeded in doing this for my lovers many times, and yes, I do take a great deal of satisfaction in being able to do this. My own orgasms as I cum, are always much better and more intense, after I’ve just witnessed her having a really exceptional orgasm that I brought her too.

        “The Multi-Orgasmic Male” sounds interesting and maybe I’ll read it. I’ve heard of the concept before, but I’ve never studied it, so thanks for mentioning the book.

        I did have a former lover who was an expert in the practice of yoga, and she taught me about tantric sex, which was a great experience for me, and a very valuable lesson in my ongoing education in the Art of being a better lover. But tantric sex was more about how to delay male ejaculation indefinitely, even for hours, while still experiencing intense pleasure.

        I had mixed success with tantric sex, but I guess it takes years of practice to become really skilled at it, and we had only two years together, because we came to irreconcilable differences when she insisted that I become a devout Buddhist, as she was, which was a deal breaker for me.

        But I still learned enough from tantric sex to have a greater ability to control when I cum, and I’m often able to delay long enough so that I can keep going, but not cum until she’s cumming. John Lennon definitely had the right idea when he wrote his song celebrating the joys of simultaneous orgasms, “Come Together”. (yes, that’s what it was really about.)

        There was more that I wanted to say ( I know – shocking, huh?) but I gotta run or I’ll be running from someone who can affect my income, and that would not be good.

        So have a great weekend, LSAM! And have many great ones with M too!

        • Tantra exercises are what led me to be able to squirt and cum the way I do. Goodness, getting all distracted just thinking about it.

          As far as “The Multi-Orgasmic Male,” I think I’m going to hand the book over to M… See what he does with it.

          And here’s to wishing you a good weekend as well, Chris. *raises glass into the air*

  9. Excellent post and subsequent discussion. Thank you. Hugs ~

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  13. Blindfolded WithSilk

    Fantastic post! 🙂

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