It seems to me I’ve read a lot about struggling with your submission. Seems rather common.
And there are all sorts of things submissives struggle with. Always feeling like you could do better, that you are not submissive enough. Turning into a brat when things don’t go your way or you want to act out *one of the most common things you’ll find*. Becoming frustrated with things are not going the way you want to, or moving fast enough for you. Trusting in your Dominant. Giving in. The list goes on and on.
Yeah. Well, fuck all that.
I’m not saying this shit doesn’t happen. Actually it happens all the time. It’s the constant battle of submission. And I don’t think it ever truly goes away. You learn, you grow, adapt and change. Both you and your Dom, so these issues ebb and flow during the relationship.
What I find myself struggling with, more than before, is different.
Perhaps it’s because we have time under our belt. We have adapted D/s into our relationship in our own way and we’re comfortable where we are. Sometimes we play, sometimes we don’t, but it’s always there, the dynamic between us. And I love it and am grateful for it.
Other days, I’m like “fuck you submission, and the Dom you rode in on.”
Some days I find that I don’t want to be submissive. I don’t want to listen and want to take back control and everything else I’ve ever handed over. Some days I just want to say “Fuck off.”
And on these days, I struggle. I struggle to bite my tongue when I want to say something really mean and hit below the belt. I struggle to not fall down and throw a temper tantrum, kicking and screaming until I am exhausted. I struggle to suck it up and go through the motions, do what needs to be done.
But you know what?
I may struggle, but I do them.
Because these are the real struggles of submission. When it gets out of the bedroom and things get real, it’s hard. Sometimes very hard. You will struggle. You will fight: Him, yourself, society and culture, a damn toothbrush it it’s in you way.
But if it is something you want, if submission is something you need, you will struggle, and you will succeed.