So… It’s Valentine’s Day. And I didn’t get laid. I just thought that you’d like to know that I didn’t get any. I’m hoping most of you did. But this isn’t a “poor me” post. It’s about you guys. And I’m sorry. I’m tired. I’m sick. And at this point in the night, my creative juices are lacking. And I’ve been thinking about this since my experiment yesterday, so I thought I’d bring it up.
Since I started masturbating (around age 12), I have loved orgasms. I started having sex when I was 14 (almost 15) and I loved sex. Since that young, I have always made an effort to have sex be a regular part of my life. And don’t get me wrong, dear reader, I am not the perfect hyper-sexual person. I have had my dips in libido (damn you Zoloft), I have had my brief dry spells. But I can tell you that since I’ve been 15, I’ve only had 2 periods of time where I went more than a few weeks without sex. Once, in 2004 when I was in Germany, but dating M, who was still in the States (although I did make out with a boy with dreamy eyes). And around the birth of our youngest child, in Oct/Nov 2010. M had a vasectomy 2 weeks before I gave birth. He refused to give it up after that until his full “6 weeks” were over. And although we had sex pretty quick after the first 2 kids, it took us awhile to get back into things after this birth. I had postpartum and it was a stressful time for both of us, emotionally, financially.
Other than these two periods of time, sex has always been an integral part of my life. By the time I was 16, I decided that I wanted to become a sex therapist (still haven’t gotten there yet, but I will). I started reading books on sex, from erotica to porn, from Kinsey to Freud, from Self Love to The Guide to Getting It On. I think I probably had the largest sex book collection in the state. Libraries included.
And because sex became ingrained into my life, I always made sure that I wanted sex. I understood from an early age that sex breeds more sex. And the lack of sex leads to less desire for sex. So, I read erotica. I masturbate. I make sex a part of my daily life to keep me aroused and horny. At this point, it is second nature. I try to do the same things for M. I flirt with him. I touch him. I hit on him. I send him dirty texts. And pictures. I try to keep things exciting in the bedroom. (And just so you know, M is not a touchy feely type of guy. He’s a manly man. He doesn’t hold hands. He doesn’t like PDA. He runs a chainsaw and swings a maul. And looks fucking sexy as hell doing it. He has calloused hands and bites his nails. He’s not overtly sexual to people that know him. Unlike me.) If he doesn’t feel like sex, if he’s tired, that’s fine. I’ll rub one off. But if it goes more than a few days, I’m calling him out on it. If it goes a few more days than that, I’m putting my foot down and demanding he fuck me (and believe me, dear reader, I don’t demand much in the bedroom…). And then we fuck. Period. End. We just do it.
Finally, I’m getting to my point. We have this weird little blogging community here. We all apparently like sex, because we write about it everyday. We read about it everyday in each other’s posts. I think it is safe to assume that we all have a strong fondness for fucking. But it seems like many of you are not getting what you want (need?) sexually out of your relationships. How is that possible?
Okay. I know that sounds like a dumb question. And I don’t want to sound contemptuous. But I don’t understand. I’m sure you all try to engage in sex. To “spice things up.” Why doesn’t it work?
I’m curious. I don’t think I would find myself in a relationship where I was not sexually fulfilled. That’s very easy for me to say from where I stand. I’m not there. And by no means am I judging anyone. I completely understand that there is more to a meaningful relationship than sex. But I think if I was unhappy with my sex life, especially over time, I know that it would damage other aspects of the relationship. I really don’t think I’d stay. I would leave. I don’t know. I’m interested in your responses, dear reader, whether your sex life is good or bad. I’d like to know what you think…
If you are willing to share, please do. If you are willing to share, but don’t want to do it publicly, feel free to email me at email@example.com.
And sorry for so serious of a post. It feels like it’s out-of-place…