As I mentioned in my last Stealing Sunday post, I’ve been trying to work on meditation. It doesn’t
seem to be working too well for me, as I’m more scatter-brained then normal (stupid fucking March, 16 days left and still no house) and tend to run in 10 different directions at once. But I need something to help ground me. Help me keep my mind and spirit focused on what’s important, not just the chaos that is my life. Meditation (or at least my attempt at such) and masturbation have become the cornerstones of my sanity.
Not only has the evil month of March made me a crazed, stressed out, masturbating fool, it seems to have sucked much of the creative juices out of my mind (but don’t worry, it hasn’t touched the juices in my loins). So I started to browse my stock pile of “blog ideas” under favorites, and I stumbled across 13 Ways to Have More Mindful Sex.
So it seemed to be the perfect fit. Sex and mindfulness. Seems to be just what the doctor ordered…
The article focused way more on the fundamentals of meditation than on sex, but still had some decent information. I’m elaborating a little more then it did, putting my own little spin on things.
“The idea is to train your brain to stop rushing through life and start actually living in it.” This is the basic idea of meditation. Focus on the here and now, be in the moment. Don’t let the background noise of life blur out the present. This is easier said than done. But, as in everything in life, practice,while it doesn’t always make perfect, at least makes it possible. Start slow, but aim for a goal of 20 minutes a day. When your mind wonders (and if you are anything like me, it will, hell, I can’t focus for more than 5 minutes, if I’m lucky), refocus and just bring it back. I could talk about meditation for 10,000+ words, but that’s not exactly what this is about, so I’m wrapping it up here. There are a ton of resources out there, in print, on-line, in person. If you’re interested, seek it out.
As with anything dealing with meditation, it helps if you focus on your breathing. I would say that it is almost necessary, but I do not know that for sure. I know for me it is. It allows me to focus on that instead of the 372 other things running through my head, if only for a minute or two. And I simply focus on my breathing. It becomes my focal point. I don’t know if this will make sense to anyone other than me, but I “follow” the air. In through my nose. My lungs expand. Back up and out. Not only does this occupy the mind, but it also makes you more aware of your body and it’s reactions. Which brings us around to how to utilize all this into your sex life…
One of the first things you much accomplish (or attempt to) to bring mindfulness into your sex life is to become aware of your body. Because to be aware during sex, you need to be aware of your body. You can start working on this by taking time each day (or every few days or weeks or whatever you have time for) to focus on different parts of your body. Narrow in on certain spots (both erotic and non, because let’s face it, skin is skin and feels fucking fantastic whether it’s on your breast or behind your knee). So focus on different areas, how do they feel, what sensations do they produce.
You can do this in your day-to-day-running-around moments as well. How do your sheets feel when you slip into bed? Or the hot water running down your back in the shower? What about the feeling in your hand when your run it along a cashmere sweater? Take these small every day experiences and focus on sensation. After all, what do you have to lose?
And When It Comes To Sex
First, take all the shit out of your bedroom. The tv, the radio, the computer. Your bedroom is for sex and sleep. Period end. Turn off your cell phone, your iPad, the PS3. Whatever toy you’re playing with (well… maybe not every toy…), remove it. The distractions need to be gone. Because you’re trying to focus on each other and your bodies and sex. And when your phone vibrates with a new message, it will draw your attention. Believe me, it can wait for an hour. Or 3.
When you are fucking, focus on the moment. The here. The now. You, him, her, them, whoever it is. Don’t start worrying about what you look like or where it’s going. Don’t worry about your orgasm. Just be in the moment. Feel. Experience. Isn’t that what it’s all about anyway?
And if you notice your mind drifting during sex, use the refocusing mentioned above. If you suddenly realize that he’s pounding into you and you’re focused on the report laying on your desk at work, or the extra 5 pounds you put on over the winter, simply bring your mind back to the moment. The more you do this during meditation, the easier it will become during other moments in your life, like when the headboard is banging against the wall. Bring your mind back to the sensations of your body, your skin, your sex. What her nails feel like running down your back. The feel of his tongue on your clit. His cock sliding in and out of your warm, wet pussy… You get the picture.
And remember, practice makes for some fun fucking.