I Want to be Beat

Last spring, in what was a different WordPress world, at least for me, I got chastised for commenting something like “A Daddy Dom will beat the shit out of you, then comfort you in his arms as you cry.” I apparently offended a fellow blogger with my language and I, of course the ever civil LSAM, publicly apologized, modified my lexicon and explained my meaning.

But not today.

Today, I want to be beat. Hard. I don’t want a love pat. I don’t want a play spanking. I want to be beat, in every connotation you can imagine.

I want to be put over His knee and held in place. I want it to hurt. I want it to hurt bad. I want it to make me moan and gasp in pain. I want it to make me cry, tears streaming down my cheeks.

I want bruises and welts, dare I say, blisters and broken skin. I want it to hurt to sit down for days afterwards, a constant reminder of His assault on my skin.

I want to fight Him until He has to hold me down. I want to fight until I am exhausted, collapsing onto Him, the fight beaten from my body.

I want to make Him work for it, fight me back. I want to make Him sweat, see it glistening on His forehead, giving me the knowledge that He, too, wants the fight, the struggle, the beating; that it’s worth the effort.

And when the beating subsides, when I am left beaten and bruised, exhausted from strain and swimming in endorphins, He will pull me off His knee and into His lap, hold me and whisper sweet words into my hair as I sob against His chest.

And after the tears have dried, He will make love to me, gentle and caring, bringing my body to an apex of sensation, where I teeter, trying to catch my balance, before I fall again, this time into a sea of pleasure.

This is what I want. I want to be beat.

 

44 responses to “I Want to be Beat

  1. Strangely romantic. Love the song. Nine Inch Nails version is great too!

  2. AWESOME version of Hurt one of my favorites.

  3. I love that you are unequivocally stating this and you have every right to it. I am sick and tired of more and more people censoring for another’s uneducated or biased perspective. People need to educate themselves on the variety and levels of different needs we human’s have in and out of the bedroom. More importantly, we humans need to understand ourselves clearly to be able to state what those needs are and as long as you aren’t harming anyone – it is none of my damn business so, thank you for sharing LSAM instead of defending yourself!!!! Jayne

    • Thank you, Jayne. Truly. I hope you know how great it is to hear someone say this. Mwah! xoxo

      • Well I sense a kindred spirit in your prologue. I do act with grace for the unknowing or unfamiliar person on any subject…but damn it, dumbing down and keeping quiet for the sake of the unwitted mind is itself, an abuse of knowledge while also killing intellectual growth on both sides of the conversation! Compassion and empathy are so important to understanding each other as we are. I actually believe thats what blogs do – as I see them and use them. Anonymity allows us to be more honest than we can be in society where we live. Mwah!!

        • Yes, to everything. That’s why the power exchange in M and I’s relationship is not public, not even to those who are closest to us, although I think that some of them have an idea, just by our interactions. Odd, isn’t it, the things we do, or rather don’t do, because of others.

          • yes. Personally, I think I prefer my sexuality to be a private thing rather than everyone’s business to decipher for themselves. If people know about your dynamic, it would change it or more importantly, it would disturb it in an annoying way. Jayne

          • I agree to preferring my sexuality private, although I may have some exhibitionist trends, overall what’s in my bedroom stays in there. It’s more when I call him Sir out in the open, and then cringe, wondering if someone heard me. “Daddy” isn’t so bad, as we normally have a gaggle of children running around our legs. But I wish I could sit at his feet when I want to, not just when it’s appropriate. But you bring out a good point, that not being our secret would change it. Something to think about. Thank you, dear Jayne. xoxo

          • I would think, from my own horny perspective, that keeping it your private “treasure” can be a pretty hot teasing element to being in public. Keeping everyone wondering and all the power play focused between only you two… sounds hot to me. : ) xx, Jayne

          • hehe. I think it’s hot. We’ve have friends that have commented on us before, how much we love one another and how much we still want each other after all these years. And I must say the mind fuck, particularly when its your secret, is sometimes as fun as the body fuck.

          • I can only imagine it to be like that – for that reason alone, I’d keep it a secret – you know, for selfish reasons!

  4. Sometimes it is really hard to express those feelings, even to our lovers. But they are just as valid as someone wanting to be touched another way. Brains are all wired quite differently. This is excellent.

    xoxo

    • Thank you, love. I can’t seem to speak these words to M, but I can write them… My brain doesn’t seem to be as filtered through my fingers as it is through my lips. *hugs and kisses*

      • I quite understand. When I desire this, I can never tell Sir, but it comes out in my actions and my words. I become… well. A brat. And rude. I act out, for a loss of better words.

        *hugs and kisses right back!*

        • Me, too. But M, he doesn’t yet punish me for these things, at least not consistently. Being so new to the exchange, and for him BDSM in general, punishment is often lacking. Which in turn, means I get bratty, way too much. And it will get to the point that we’ll be fucking, and I’ll start acting out, fighting him, pushing him away, just so that he’ll be pushed to his limit, so he’ll hold me down, make me struggle.

          Gods, sometimes I think I’m fucked up! Oh, well. xoxo

  5. Goodness! Shouldn’t have read that with others still in the house. Will have to ‘calm’ down now…a beautiful expression of your desires.
    And I agree with Jayne, if offended don’t read this blog. After all sometimes only a profanity will do.

  6. I’m wracking my brain for the post/person you’re referring to, but can’t remember specifics. I do remember your retraction, though, vaguely.

    As I [barely] step into the other side of a D/s relationship, it’s opened my eyes even more to sexual psychology and its enormous variations. When I hurt TN, the sense that I control another human’s body is exceptional and I’m not even a sadist!

    The D/s thing is all about giving so we may receive something in return. You give yourself up for a beating so you can go to that place you describe and then get the aftercare.

    So if you want to call it a beating, then so you shall! Fuck semantics (and those who care to judge)! xx Hy

  7. Written with eloquence and the unmistakably genuine passion of your feelings. Impressive. I like the new look of your blog too.

  8. I sent your post along to a friend who lives for the bruises her lover leaves behind. I didn’t understand it at first, but every time I speak with her about it she quivers, shakes, and cum with the telling. I’m starting to understand.

  9. People are quick to judge what they don’t understand. You are courageous to rise above it all. Your courage might help other people to express what they feel more freely. Right on LSAM!

    Bises,
    Dawn

  10. A post that got me going. In a free country, no one should be able to control what goes on between two consenting adults, as long as it doesn’t harm others. I’m always excited and proud of my bruises that are few and far between. (Unfortunately my ass is very hard to mark up). It makes me happy to feel what he did to my body the next day. But I do appreciate that everyone has a different life experience and perspective. I’m fortunate to say that I haven’t been struck in anger. I’m glad to see you’re back. 🙂
    Xoxo
    Ginger

  11. Thank you so much for posting this, it really got me thinking. Holding back sucks and I find myself falling into that old habit pattern more than I would like to admit. I can get really bold on one hand and then pull back and make apologies on the other. Thanks for the wake up call. I really need my ass spanked and my hair pulled now.

    • *sigh* I know, right! I always hold back. Even after I write posts, or send something to M in an email, I’m still shy and hesitant to discuss it with him. I don’t understand why it gets so fucking hard!

      Happy spankings to you, dear elle! *hugs and kisses*

  12. I can so relate to this… Everything in your post. 🙂
    xoxox

  13. you’ve clearly never truly had your ass beaten. if you had you wouldn’t equate what happens in BDSM to that. the inherent difference is that your Sir is going to stop before irreparable harm is done to you. when you “get your ass beat” there is no guarantee of that and it is irresponsible as a practitioner to equate the two.

    • *sigh* I meant no offense, believe me. And I am not attempting to equate ANYTHING in bdsm to abuse. Not even fucking close. It’s a matter of lingo, a preference for connotation and diction. I’m not going to tip-toe, it’s my blog afterall, so I’m going to use the lexicon I like. If it offends, sincere apologies, but I’m going to say it the way I want to say it. Take it or leave it. xo

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