I am Not Embarrassed

Courtsey of Facebook

Courtsey of Facebook

Warning: I’m going to try not to be too ranty here.

I like sex. A lot. I like all that it entails. I like the foreplay. Penetration. I like it vanilla and I like it kinky. I like when it lasts all night and I like it when it lasts 5 minutes.

I like oral sex, anal sex, solo sex. I like sex that leaves you exhausted in a heap of sweat and I like sex that is slow and relaxing.

I like the feel of his cum inside me, whether it’s in my mouth or in my pussy. I like the velvety skin of his cock and the roughness of a day old beard on my inner thighs. I like his fingers on my breasts and in my pussy.

I like to make him cum. With my hand, my mouth, my body. I like to watch him get hard, with my words, my touch. I like to pleasure him. Make him want. Watch the pleasure move across his face.

I like to cum. From his cock, his fingers, his tongue, his words. I like orgasms that are quick and intense and those that are long and sensuous. I like them from nipple play, from fingering, from anal, clitoral, vaginal and G-spot. I like squirting, soaking the sheets and slashing cum off his hand.

I like to masturbate. Make myself cum. I like circling my clit and pulling on my nipples. I like using vibrators, dildos, and my hand. I like to read erotic and watch porn.

I like sex. I like to talk about it, read about it and write about it.

I am not embarrassed.

I will not throw it in your face, or make you feel uncomfortable. Honestly, I probably won’t even bring it up first. I will not give you raunchy details or false impressions. If you ask questions, I will answer them. If you ask for advice, I will give it.

I like sex and I am not embarrassed. Don’t expect me to be. Sex is a natural part of life. It’s enjoyable and I like it. I do what I do behind closed doors and there is nothing wrong with it. Nothing immoral, indecent, unethical or unnatural. It is sane, safe and consensual.

I am not embarrassed.


Courtsey of Facebook

Courtsey of Facebook

A few weeks ago, on a crazy Friday afternoon, I finally made it into my office around 3:20, with only 10 minutes before my next appointment. There was a yellow sticky note on my desk, a quick note from a supervisor (not my direct supervisor), asking me to come see them. I make my way through the maze of cubicles and stick my head through her office door.

“You wanted to see me?”

She welcomes me in, and nods towards her door, which I pull shut behind me as I  sit down across from her. We are pseudo-friends,this supervisor and I. Our kids go to school together, we belong to the same church, know a lot of the same people. I’ve been to a purse party at her house and have drank wine with her and her husband.

She begins by telling me she’s “just going to say it” instead of beating around the bush. Someone in my office, someone in “administration,” is apparently friends with someone I’m friends with on Facebook. I nod, confusion spreads across my face. She goes on to say that with our job, “being in the community,” that we have a reputation to uphold. I agreed, explaining that I haven’t used my Facebook in almost two years for that very reason. I have no desire for any of my clients to have that much of a glimpse into my personal life.

She acknowledges that she “saw that” when a co-worker came to her, unsure of what to do, not wanting to go to my own supervisor, an uber-conservative, ultra-religious man who blushed when I asked if he had any more condoms, because the supply I had for my teenage clients was running low. This co-worker, they came to her to show her that I had a few (less than 5) Facebook “likes” for sex toys, dated from October of last year.

“Ahh…” I say, remembering a text message from my bff last fall, telling me my “like” of a butt plug just jumped up on her screen. So I explain. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, but I’m a writer.” She nods, says she remembers me mentioning that. I explain that last winter, when I decided I was going to start writing again, I was researching all sort of ways to earn compensation. I tell how I found edenfantasys, how I write sex toy reviews for them. I describe how they have a point system, and that you can earn points for “liking.” I say that I have a separate Facebook account, one that is protected, that has no connection to me, my name, my phone number, my email, that I use for that purpose. I tell how my computer synced to the wrong account last fall, I found out about it, and had thought I deleted them, but apparently I missed a few.

She stares at me. There is long, awkward pause. “You write reviews for sex toys…” her voices raises at the end, asking a question that is not really a question. “Yes,” I say, and give her a few details about edenfantasys, explaining how I started by doing lingerie reviews. She leans across her desk, interested. She asks a few questions. I answer. She tells me how her husband had joined her in a “thong-of-the-month” club, where he would pick out a pair of panties and have them mailed to her, a secret surprise when she’s find them in the mail box. We chat about this for awhile, discussing both programs, the pros and cons of each.

I glance at the clock, and realize I’m already 15 minutes late for my last appointment. “I’ll delete them when I get home from work,” I say, standing up, “I’ve got a home visit I’m late for.” She looks at me like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Then she remembers. She straightens in her seat and her hands move to fumble with papers on her desk.

“Ok. That’s good.” She looks at me. “So… This conversation can just stay here…” There she goes again, her voice asking a question that isn’t a question.

“Yes. I’ll take care of it.”

She nods, blushing as she realizes the conversation went a little different than she had anticipated, perhaps a little concerned with what she shared, with the questions she asked. “Good.” She looks down at her desk. “Well, I’ll make sure it ends here. There’s no reason for it to go any further.”

“Agreed.” I smile at her as I stand. “Thank you,” I say and walk out of her office, laughing to myself that she gets thongs in the mail and fuming that I was Facebook stalked by a co-worker. I was frustrated that they didn’t come to me before going to a supervisor and pissed off that it was not “okay” for me to like a sex toy.


I guess what it comes down to is that I don’t understand why sex is such a big deal. Why does it make people so uncomfortable? Why are people embarrassed about pleasure? About sex? About something that everyone does, but doesn’t talk about? What is so fucking shameful? People can talk about divorce, about hemorrhoids and financial woes. They discuss medical procedures, politics and religious beliefs. They tell about 401(k)s, their children’s poop patterns and their husband’s snoring. But sex? Sex is off the table.

I don’t fucking understand.

37 responses to “I am Not Embarrassed

  1. Sorry to hear that you had to go through that. It would be nice if people were more accepting of sex. Especially since most of us are having sex.

  2. I agree with you 100%!! Everyone does it so why is is so taboo to let people know you do it?!?! So confusing and frustrating. I would have been fuming about the co-worker snooping as well, especially being able to see you hadn’t used that account in so long…they are one of “those” kind of people and if it wasn’t a sex toy like on your Facebook it would have something else I’m sure.

    I loved the first section of your blog. I couldn’t have share my thoughts about sex any better at all! I loved all aspects of it and not embarrassed at all. It always makes me smile when your very typical vanilla folk find out about my more active sex life at first seem surprised and then get all full of questions and interest. It is part of human nature to explore and learn and enjoy.

    Thanks for sharing!!

  3. I get the feeling that people who are “uncomfortable” about sex, are people who have never explored themselves. Maybe they just were/are too afraid and therefore paralyzed to move from beliefs. Maybe they think that expanding their knowledge means they have to change so they do everything to defend their boundaries, and that includes attacking those who are different from them…I don’t get it either LSAM!!

    • Thanks Jayne! And I agree, but what bad boundaries to protect! wtf. *shrugs* Either way, I’m going to keep doing what I do, regardless of what anyone thinks! *hugs and kisses*

      • yes, you should…but thats creepy that some ADULT “tattles” on you. what is the reason for exposing someone elses OUTSIDE interests?! that is so petty and little minded that it is frightening like Mcarty era. Sometimes, people just bug me! … : )

      • Me too! It’s about “company image.” Fuck, I work with addicts, and by the time they get to me, they do very little on their own, have no motivation. I walk them through simple things, getting public assistance, a state ID, budgeting classes, etc. They have no transportation, no money, sometimes no high school education or work experience. Believe me, not one of my clients would bat at eye that I had a few “likes” of sex toys. Stupid people. They bug me too!

  4. I wish it were different too. I’m proud of how you handled yourself!

    • Ah, shawks, Nis. Honestly, even if it was my supervisor, I’d have handled it the same way. Fuck, even if it was the CEO. It is what it is, and I’m not bothered by what I do. But it would have been comical to watch my boss try and discuss it with me! xoxo

  5. In a way I’m sort of jealous for people who can put their sexuality in a drawer somewhere and forget about it. And then again no, that’s a crock of shit. Sex matters. It’s a beautiful part of life. Why people can’t talk about it is beyond me. I could talk about it for days. I’m not embarrassed either.

    Glad your story had a happy ending too by the way!


    • Thanks babe. I don’t people who don’t embrace sex. How? How do they not care? How do they not want? I don’t understand. Because you’re right, it is a beautiful part of life. It’s what MAKES life! xoxo dear friend!

  6. Watch your back with that co-worker. People love to get in other people’s shit, don’t they? You can go into the bloody details of giving birth to a baby, but not how you make that baby. Good for you for getting her to talk about her thongs! Bet she went home and jumped onto edenfantasys.

    • I agree. Watch that guy. He’s probably still ‘stalking’ you on the internet, curious to see what you’ve written and whether he can match up your profiles/etc. People like that are never done with snooping or gossiping.

      Good for you for being frank and honest with your supervisor! I think that’s all she needed to know, as it’s not her business either. (Unless she shares the rest of her thong of the month convos outside of the workplace. Hehe.)

    • Yeah, I just wish I knew how it was, she wouldn’t tell me. Didn’t want to “stir up” any trouble.

      And I bet she did too! Asked me what kinds of toys they had, how it all worked, etc! xoxo

  7. Sex is usually a heated topic. People have certain views about it. But no matter what people say out loud, if you were to get a peek of them behind closed doors or when intoxicated, you would find out all sorts of things they like about sex. For example, a stash of porn magazines/DVD’s, frequent visits to strip clubs, a member of an online sex community, etc. But heaven forbid they actually admit to it any other time. These people judge people like you and I because they’re jealous and because they probably never experienced an intense, mind blowing orgasm that made your toes curl.

  8. Reblogged this on captkitty and commented:
    LSAM said it all.

  9. As much as I love sex, and as open as I am here, I still find it horrifying to discuss with anyone who doesn’t know me as Kayla Lords…I don’t have any reasons why, it’s just difficult…I’m sure it has more to do with the idea of people disapproving of me since society is so weird about sex…

    • Fuck people, Kayla, and what they think. The person who judges you for liking a spanking most likely has their own thing going on, that they don’t want anyone to know about. I think people judge and react harshly because they are afraid to act otherwise, afraid that their own little dark secrets may come out. *hugs and kisses*

  10. Is the first part of this post an homage to “Green Eggs and Ham”?
    I love how you changed her from an adversary to a co-conspirator!

  11. That really sucks. I recently got a call from my mom who had seen I liked a post of a fellow blogger here, on orgasm denial. It fed through my personal facebook, basically giving invitation for anyone in real life to join this life…I deleted it off my wall and no further discussion was had.
    But I’m still fucking pissed about it. That if my grandma read that I have orgasms or want to hold some back to get a bigger one, somehow she would be mad or disappointed or sad? WTF? This is a basic human need we need to not discuss?

    • Agreed! I think any woman seeing that should not think twice! It makes no sense to me that we would not want those we care about to experience pleasure! A little smile and a nod of the head and move on. *sigh* Perhaps someday! Until then… *hugs and kisses*

  12. Hi Lovesexandmarrige,
    My name is Anastasia, and I just found your blog through G. I’m so delighted to follow you. I have really enjoyed your writings.

  13. LSAM, I feel you. I, too, run into those same attitudes. It is the puritan Protestant ethic that permeates our culture. In the field you work in, it’s really sad that sex can’t be acknowledged, especially given the rising rate of porn addiction (which NO ONE talks about.)
    I love how you handled yourself with grace, honesty, and integrity. MWAH!

  14. I can’t add anything that hasn’t been said by our fellow bloggers but I will say that I loved the way you handled this.
    You are so very classy.

    • haha. So very “not classy” really! Awhile back, I had Buckcherry’s “crazy bitch” as my ringtone. One day, the whole family’s walking through Walmart, and my phone starts to ring. M looks at me and says, “That is sooo not classy.” I laughed. Me and classy, I don’t think, had ever been said in the same sentence! xoxo

  15. You would be real surprised at how dumb most men are, well mostly co-workers. Arianna came to see me one day and someone noticed her collar and asked me about it after she had left.
    Once I started explaining it was like all of a sudden these men were a virgin.
    I would not trade anyone for what I have.
    Much Love

  16. I think you handled that amazingly! A lot of people might have freaked out but you were honest and cool. Kudos to you! And honestly, who cares if you like a sex toy? Does that incomber your ability to do your job? No. It is something outside of your career. And you are still a person, are you not? Are you not allowed to have interests outside of work??

    • Apparently not. They like it when we are rather bland… Ever see the SpongeBob episode where he becomes “normal”? That’s kind of what they’d like, I think. *shrugs* I make them a lot of money, so they just deal with my shit! haha. Thanks for stopping by Rebecca, and welcome to LSAM! *hugs and kisses*

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