A sex slump. It happens. We’ve all been there at one point or another. Life gets in the way; you’re busy at work, the kids are sick, and when it comes down to it, you’re tired and stressed and sex becomes the last thing on your mind (which is ironic, considering a strong, fulfilling sex life can release stress and make you sleep better). And when we push sex back due to the pressures of everyday life, we tend to push it back again and again. Then one day, you can’t tell the last time you got off or laid naked next to your husband. That’s the thing about sex, the less you have, the less you want. Break the cycle.
It doesn’t really matter about what or who. I don’t care if it’s your partner, your neighbor, Brad Pitt, or the entire offensive line of the Denver Broncos, just starting thinking about sex. And think about it as much as possible. Creative juices aren’t flowing? Then grab some erotica or watch a porn. Do what ever it takes to get yourself thinking about sex. The fact is, if you are thinking about sex on and off through out the day, then you will want to have sex. I used to listen to audiobooks in my car during my commute to and from work and I downloaded a few erotic books. Let me just say “Wow!” I found myself sitting in my car during smoke breaks, just to hear a little more. And when I’d get home, everyone better watch out, because there was no stopping me from getting laid.
It might sound silly, but one of the things that often seems to happen with long-term relationships is the day-to-day physical contact that new relationships have starts to diminish. In the hustle of everyday life, sitting down and making out with your man tends to get put on the back burner. There might be a quick peck on the way out the door in the morning, or a kiss on the cheek before bed, but a lot of LTR couples lose this intimacy and full-out kissing becomes foreplay for sex. But think back. Rewind to when you were in high school. Remember the make out sessions you used to have. I remember dating and every time I was alone with my boyfriend, we attacked one another. This sould not go away just because we are responsible grown ups with a mortgage payment. So, set a simple goal–kiss your partner for at least 30 seconds everyday. Everyone can find 30 seconds in their day, even if it’s just when you are passing one another on the way to the shower in the morning or while you are cooking dinner at night. You’ll be surprised. A few years back, when my husband, M, and I tried this, we ended up with me bent over the couch more times than I can count. So kiss, for 30 seconds everyday. Don’t make excuses.
Take an afternoon off for yourself. Send the kids to grandma’s, turn off your phone, and spend some time taking care of you. Light candles in your bathroom, put on music and take a long hot shower, or a relaxing bath. Shave your legs, trim up your bikini line. When you’re done, lotion up from head to toe. Take your time doing this, paying attention to the feelings of your hands sliding over your body. Do your hair and make-up, the way that makes you feel sexiest. Put on sexy panties and your favorite sexy bra, wear a garter and stocking, whatever it is that makes you feel your best. When you feel sexy, your are more likely to act on it.
The more orgasms you have, the more you’ll want. So take matters into your hands. Take some alone time, lock your bedroom door, lay back and touch yourself. Try and do this at least a few times a week. Not only will it make you want to fuck more, but it will also help lower your stress levels and make you sleep better, two things that often get in the way of our sex lives. And if you are someone who has difficulty getting off when you are having sex, then it’s even more important that you get in the habit of masturbating. You need to learn what it is that feels best for you, what it is that is going to make you cum. Because before you can worry about other people making you cum, you need to do it yourself. Once you are in the habit of having orgasms on your own, soon you will start jumping your man when you see him.
Just Do It
The quickest way to get out a sexual dry spell… have sex! As simple as that sounds, for some people it’s difficult. But just do it, even if you don’t want to, even if you’re tired, even if the laundry needs folded and there are dishes in the sink. Grab your partner, take off your clothes, and fuck. Today. If you need to schedule it in, then write it in your planner. I know that doesn’t sound exciting, but you have got to make time for sex. And if scheduling seems to take away the spontaneity, it does have its benefits. You know that it’s coming, so you’ll think about it more. Thinking about it will (hopefully) make you more excited and being more excited definitely makes sex better. Whatever you have to do, just make sure that you have sex today. I’ve said it again and again, but the more sex you have, the more sex you want.
What it comes down to is that when we’ve hit a slump, sometimes we have got to submerge ourselves in sex to get our body and mind back on track. The more sex we put in our lives the more sex we will want. So get off the couch, get ready, and get off. By yourself or with your partner, right now it doesn’t matter. Just do it!