First Dates and Butterflies

So if you are a regular reader, whether friend or lurker *love ya both*, you may be patiently waiting to find out what happened with my date over the weekend. I apologize for taking so long to write this, but after reading I hope you understand.

I woke up Saturday morning with a hangover and a horrible case of nervous butterflies. I felt like a teenager not knowing what to expect. At 10 am, I got my first text of the day from Paige: “T -10 hours” (isn’t she cute!), and the countdown continued every few hours through the day.

By 3 o’clock, I had shaved, lotioned, ironed my hair and was unable to find anything to keep my hands busy. By 6, I had done my make-up and dressed, practically bouncing up and down on the couch, watching the clock tick slowly by.

I left early to run through the car wash, and then got on the road. We live about 50 miles away from one another, so we decided to meet halfway, at a microbrewery in a small college town (fan-fucking-tastic beer, by the way).

The place was packed, and we had over an hour before we could get a table. We ordered beers and went to wait on the outside patio (thank the gods this was the first real warm day of spring and even in the late evening, it was perfectly comfortable). I was ridiculously shy, shyer than I think I’ve ever been. I joked about it, but Paige was witty and talkative, and did an excellent job at keeping the conversation moving.

She talked about a Dom she’s been seeing, asked about M’s and my dynamic. We talked about work, books, hobbies, and fucking while our knees rested against each other’s under the table. By the time the first beer was gone, we were laughing like old friends.

She encouraged me to try mussels, an explosion of flavor that made my eyes close as I savored the experience. I attempted to explain different types of nipple clamps, showing the pictures from my nipple torture post. She thought M’s cock was rather delicious looking.

By the time we left the brewery to head home (she had a long day at work on Sunday) I was giddy.

Paige walked me to my car and I drove her to hers. We talked a bit more. I became shy again. She teased me about it. I leaned back against the headrest, and smiled at her. She told me I was beautiful. When our lips met, we both reached for each other, our fingers playing on the other’s necks.

I think I started giggling maybe. “Damn you, having to work tomorrow,” I said, pulling our entwined fingers to my lips, placing small kisses across her knuckles, lightly sucking the tip of her thumb into my mouth. We talked a few more minutes, but time was ticking away, both of us facing a long drive home. We kissed again, this time a little longer, more comfortable.

I smiled the whole way home.

The date was fantastic; honestly, it couldn’t have been better. We clicked just as well in person as we did through emails and texts. I was excited, ecstatic really; we had a great time, good food and drinks, and a first kiss that made my heart pitter-patter.


But now… Well, now M has come to realize that he’s not as comfortable as he thought he was going to be with the situation. He doesn’t want to share me. Doesn’t think he can share me.

And it makes me sad. For so many reasons. I really like Paige. And I’m pretty damn sure she likes me too. And although we’d only been on one date, we’ve talked daily for a few weeks. For both of us, we were able to talk to each other about things we don’t share with others in our real life. Her: relationship issues she’s struggling with, past lovers, kinky sex. Me: my dynamic with M, power exchange, kinky sex. We filled a need for each other that neither of us knew we needed.

We fell for one another.

So today, when I sent her a text saying I needed to talk to her, I had to tell this beautiful girl I’m hugely crushing on, that I can’t see her again. I cried. She cried. Fuck, I’m crying now.

Although hurt, she understands. She said to me, “I don’t want to lose you. If we can’t be intimate, I don’t care. But I’m not giving up being your friend.” I don’t know if we can make that work, but I’m hoping…

*sigh* So, dear friends… this is my unfortunate tale of a fantastic first date that lead to me getting my heartbroke. And please don’t think too badly of M… He tried, that is all I can ask. Afterall, he is my husband, and my Sir, so it is his right and responsibility to say if it’s not okay.

*hugs and kisses*

55 responses to “First Dates and Butterflies

  1. I’m so sorry, big hugs for you. I hope you can work this out so everyone is happy.

  2. Aww! I’m sad for you, but I understand M’s feelings/discomfort. I’m not sure I’d be okay because I’d have a hard time seeing someone I love give of themselves to someone else. At least you found someone who interests you and ticks the boxes. I’m glad you got to make that connection. ((Hugs)) to you.

    • Thank you Cara. In hindsight, I can see the warning signs of his discomfort. What saddens me the most is not my loss, nor M’s response, but the fact that I dragged an innocent girl into my disfunction… If only I had recognized what I see now… *sigh* *hugs and kisses*

  3. I’m sorry it went that way. Hugs, lovely. xxoo

  4. littlekaninchen

    This is a bump in the road of the journey of D/s… Maybe this is what’s meant to be? Maybe you both can stay friends? Very respectful understanding your Sirs wishes….
    It still doesn’t soften that blow but hopefully everyday goes by will bring you a little more peace… Big Hugs and squeezes!

  5. It was a beautiful first date, my dear, but I understand the feelings from all three parties. I would like to commend M on two points though: many men see other women as “not competition” and “not mattering” because they are women and therefore not able to make a real impact on the relationship–I’m glad M understands that isn’t true. Also, I’m glad that M was upfront after the experience that he wasn’t feeling okay; I know it hurts because you connected on a real level, but better now then let it fester and ruin what a good thing you two have created over the last year.

    I’d also like to commend you, because you’re beautiful and you’re hurting and I don’t like it.


  6. Well, this went a different direction than I expected, LSAM! Sorry to hear you had to give up your crush. I have to agree with previous commenters that I understand the feelings of all parties involved, but I also must confess that selfishly I was hoping to read some “interesting” blog posts about you and your new girlfriend.

    Oh well! All the best to both you and M!

  7. Loved your description of the date. Can’t help but feel a bit harshly judgmental of M for not allowing you to pursue your pleasure and interests, but that’s your primary relationship and you and he know what’s best for the two of you.

    • Well HH… it’s not fair of me to pursue to own desires @ the expense of M’s emotional well-being and the stability and structure of our relationship and dynamic… But as always, I appreciate your support. Mwah!

  8. Aw, hon, I’m sorry things aren’t going the way you hoped. It’s going to be a little hard being friends with a person you are really into because you’ll wonder about what could have been.
    I haven’t been on a date like that in forever. Isn’t it weird how accustomed you get to your other half and then when it’s someone new, all of the sudden you’re antsy and nervous. Almost like a virgin again.

    • Thanks Kitty. And you’re right about being friends… that’s M’s biggest concern. He knows me well, that I’m a flirt, impulsive, selfish… so he fears there is always a possibility that I’ll just say fuck it and do what I want.

      The anxiety was nuts! Haha. *hugs and kisses*

  9. Sorry to hear that you survived the date but not the aftermath. HH and you are right though, M and the kids are the central important thing for you. Hope you end up stronger from this…being resentful, bitter and twisted is so much more Me than it is You;-)

  10. Non sequitur warning – You find the *coolest* music to accompany your posts!

    Being the die hard romantic that I am, I DO hope you and Paige can find a way to be friends without taking away from M. I once had a similar attraction with a friend and did have to give her up at my ex’s request. I run into her now and then and its always very poignant.

    • Thanks Owl! I don’t really remember why I started the video thing, but I’ve been doing it for awhile now. I always have a soundtrack in my head, that runs parallel with my life. Why not share it, I figure!

      I think we will be able to be friends. We’re gonna try it anyway.

      Back in college I had a huge crush on a friend. I remember riding in the backseat with her one time, a good hour or so ride, and she was tired or had a headache or something. She laid her head in my lap, and I combed my fingers through her hair the whole way home. *sigh* I still think of that sometimes when we hang out. She’s still cute as hell! *hugs and kisses*

  11. Hugs, lovely! What a shame that something so beautiful has to end so soon. xo

  12. TemptingSweets99


    • Yep. In hindsight, I see many mistakes made that could have ended this in a completely different direction. I moved really quick, from the point of when I told him to actually going out was just over 2 weeks. And I didn’t really talk about what I was hoping for… He pretty much just got what was on the blog. I know, I know… Stupid, stupid lsam. The whole idea is not necessarily off the table, but we’ve got to communicate! Think I’m probably going to be posting about this soon… *hugs and kisses*

  13. (Side note: I’ve been the third who gets dumped. It’s one of the reasons I don’t date couples or first-timers anymore: it got too hard to get three dates in and hear “I’m sorry, but my spouse just can’t handle it.”)

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  15. In point of fact…my good friend Aggie wrote something quite useful on this topic.

  16. I can’t say anything new that already has been said so I will say “ditto” to all the positive comments you have received from all your readers here.
    I will say that I am sorry for your pain and also to thank you… You were my catalyst in my decision making.
    Lots of love and hugs,

  17. My first girl… L… she was beautiful. Smart, witty, loved my kids. Kids loved Mommy’s friend. It could’ve gone poly except… she couldn’t share me. She couldn’t stand the thought that she could only see me on weekends; that my then-husband got to sleep in bed with me every night while her bed was cold and lonely.

    It broke our hearts to have to say good-bye. For me, my marriage came above all else and that was all there was.

    I’ve met her husband. He told me he had no idea she liked girls. Apparently she gave them up after a couple of attempts after me. She’s got 2.3 kids, two income family, seems happy.

    It’s hard walking into a couple – I’ve done it and others have walked into other couples I’ve been a part of since – and harder still leaving. It sounds like you had a good experience over all and learned something about yourselves.

    *mucho hugs and affection*

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