So I need to give a shout out to Lily, you may know her from The Black Leather Belt. If you don’t know her, go check her out now. No, I mean right now. Seriously, go. I’ll wait.
I’ve recently finished reading her book, Discipline: Adding Rules and Discipline to Your BDSM Relationship (which fucking rocked by the way), and it’s got me thinking about quite a few things. Be prepared, I’ve already got a handful of posts started that have been stirred from reading it…
And although this was written for those in a BDSM relationship, it has so much that can be applied to just about any relationship, whether it’s straight vanilla, whether it dabbles in kink, or a full-blown D/s dynamic. As a matter of fact, I actually emailed a friend of mine, who’s in a straight vanilla marriage, a piece on communication between partners. The weekend before, my friend and I had shared a few bottles of wine while discussing some of the problems she is experiencing with her husband. When I came across it in Lily’s book, I was like, “omg. J sooo needs to read this!”
And Lily talks about so much more than discipline. She talks about dynamics. About rules, both their purpose and their implementation. About follow through and the role of punishment. There were multiple times that I found myself nodding in acknowledgement and understanding, times I wanted to *high five* someone, because I was like, “Damn right! What she just said!”
And Lily keeps it real by shares stories from her own life and relationships, things that have gone well and things that have been fucked up. I found this especially enlightening and thought provoking, because the truth is, we all fuck things up at times. Anyone who says they never had an “awe, shit” moment in their dynamic is full of it (believe me, I’ve had a TON of those moments). But through it all, she keeps it light and entertaining. As a writer, believe me, that’s not always an easy feat.
Honestly, this is probably one of the most real, honest BDSM guides I’ve ever read. And I’ve read a lot. There were very few things that I couldn’t relate to or find a use for in my own relationship. As a matter of fact, Lily hit home on a few major points that resonated with me, with particular regards to areas I struggle with in my dynamic. She gave me ideas on some things I want to explore further and something I want to implement and/or change. Things like self-reporting, trial periods for rules, check-ins, and the list goes on and on.
So if you’re interested in BDSM, or even just enjoy reading about it, Discipline is well worth the read. Go check it out. And in case you missed it the first time, you can find Discipline here.
*hugs and kisses* ~lsam