34 Thoughts on Turning 34

On Friday, I celebrated yet another birthday, my 34th. And as I hate to see November go by without a post here on LSAM, you’re going to be subjected to 34 pieces of utter randomness.

Sorry for your luck.

  1. I’m a crazy bitch. I sat here, ranting and raving about building a community and how I felt it was lacking, and blah, blah, blah. And then I disappear for almost 6 weeks. Say it with me folks. Crazy Bitch.
  2. I think 34 sounds sexier than 33. I think I have a thing for even numbers.
  3. Pay attention tomorrow. My good buddy Accidental is hosting a Guess the Blogger, which is always uber fun. I may not have posted in forever, but I am participating. See if you can figure out who I am… *wink*wink*
  4. I just got my official writing portfolio site up, and shit, fuck, damn. WordPress.org is not quite the same as WordPress.com. I thought it would be a breeze, but fuck, it took me a solid 10 hours just to figure out how to use the theme I picked.
  5. Tomorrow it will be four months since I’ve quit my day job. Although I’m broke as a joke, I’m happier than I have ever been.
  6. Cortisol is a bitch. My stress levels were crazy high at my day job. Since quitting, I have not changed my diet or exercise routine (lack there of), but I’ve dropped a solid 15 pounds and two pants sizes. That’s what stress does to you.
  7. I’ve learned that living on less is way more satisfying that always trying to get more.
  8. This is your life. The only one you’ve got. You need to start living it.
  9. Stuff does not make you happy. People, experiences and memories have a much greater impact.
  10. 34 spanks, which is what I received on Friday night, did not quite seem like enough.
  11. The Candy Crush gods hate me.
  12. I’ve started to try my hand at raising rabbits for meat. If you ever buy rabbits, especially from a young Amish boy named Vernon, always sex them yourself.
  13. Pretty soon, I expect I’m going to have some little inbreed bunnies. Apparently Vernon does not know what a rabbit dick looks like.
  14. Apple cider vinegar is a natural cure all.
  15. When you have a friend that’s a soul mate, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve gone without talking, it’s like they were never gone.
  16. On that same note, it doesn’t matter how well you know someone, they can still surprise the shit out of you.
  17. I signed a book deal for a beginner’s book on blogging. Unfortunately, this is my only blog and I can’t really reference it.
  18. I have a gig that doesn’t allow me to use contractions. How fucking weird is that? It’s one of the most difficult things to do while writing.
  19. You want to know the secrets to great SEO…? Regular, consistent, quality content.
  20. When you are four, you never need to sleep. That’s what my four year old says.
  21. Sometimes, past hobbies sneak out of the recesses to be enjoyed again.
  22. I’m afraid that this is my sexual peak, and that my libido and sexual responsiveness are going to plummet in the future.
  23. I have a love/hate relationship with my Hitachi.
  24. And my boobs.
  25. Once you fuck things up, sometimes it seems impossible to fix them.
  26. Success is personal.
  27. Flossing is very important. I’ve learned this the hard way.
  28. I believe in evolution, natural selection and science. God if I’m grieving, scared or pregnant.
  29. I still believe in Santa.
  30. I don’t believe in the Oxford comma.
  31. Or racism.
  32. Self-hosting is not all it’s cracked up to be. Not saying I’m not going there, but sometimes it’s nice to only have to worry about getting the words on the page.
  33. Apparently 34 is old. I almost threw my back out today from coughing.
  34. Even with stretch marks, a few grey hairs and crow’s feet spring up around my eyes, I’ve never felt sexier and healthier than I do now at 34. Here’s to hoping it only gets better.

40 responses to “34 Thoughts on Turning 34

  1. Savannah Carrier

    Welcome back!
    We haven’t formally met. I am Will Carrier’s wife (you know him by his blog’s name: Warm Creme). I’ve been reading your blog on his account for awhile, but Will suggested that I post under my own name, and now I have been dabbling with a few blog posts of my own.

    I am happy to see you posting again.

    • Hello my dear. I’m hoping to get back into it. As I fall into a routine with the writing for work thing, I’m going to schedule in some mandatory blog time. After all, this is what inspired me, I should nurture it a little. Glad to see you around these parts! *hugsandkisses*

      • Savannah Carrier

        I suck at scheduling time for me and WP is a huge time waster (but it is oh so much fun!). I love meeting Will’s blogger friends, especially when they are such lovely writers (with amazing subjects and posts!). Yes, you must nurture it!


  2. Happy birthday! That was random, but fun and fascinating. I could have told you to never buy an animal from an Amish kid. Jews understand penises, the Amish not so much, at least not before puberty. I saw at least 10 babies circumcised before I was 13.

    Congratulations on all your new adventures. You can have more than one sexual peak. Staying healthy is key (cortisol really is satanic). I’m in my 3rd peak. Had one in my early 20s, but don’t we all. Then my mid-30s (2 pregnancies from that) and this one has been going strong since I was 45. I turned 49 in September. I don’t see it slowing down any time soon. Keep your hormones balanced and lift weights.

    • Thanks elle! I’ve always been rather sexual, as far back as I can remember. And I remember thinking in my early 20s that I’d be in trouble once I hit my 30s because that’s when they say women have the highest libidos. *shrugs* Here’s to hoping you’re right. xoxo

  3. Happy belated! Forever young, my beautiful friend. 🙂

  4. Happy birthday, Caitlyn!

    You have have been missed.

    I am jealous of your changes in priorities. Less emphasis on stuff and more on life, friendships and those who make life worth living.

    Stress is the great thief of youth and health. I can’t go without my extensive and exhaustive workouts which keep me entirely in check.


    • Thanks Will. I was ridiculously burnt out at my old job, it was crazy bad. It’s amazing what stress does; I knew I was stressed, but didn’t realize how much it was impacting me until it was gone. Thanks again for the birthday wishes! xoxo

      • I completely understand the burnout. Good on ya for taking such a bold and brave step! I wish that I had the determination that you clearly possess!!

        • Thanks… You and I call it determination, I know quite a few others that call it stupidity. Xoxo

          • Stupidity? Yeah. When I see what it does to my mental state, that is EXACTLY what comes to mind. That’s why I bury my head in the sand and ignore, pressing ever onward on this rat-race known as a career. 🙁

            Would I be better served (mentally) to take such a plunge? Probably. Would it be the ruin of me? Without a doubt.

            Two author-friends of mine (I am decidedly NOT in their league) struggle to pay the bills (which floors me as they both have NYT chart-topping books to their credit) each month. BOth of them emphatically tell me, “you have to write for the sheer passion, because this isn’t a sane way to earn a living.” So, I am a dabbler. One book published to my credit. A pro-gig (on the side) that entirely funded one of my other passions that lasted for nearly two (grueling) years and a few other pieces throughout my creative life have all been a joy.

            This blogging thing has been wearing on me and fortunately, my wife has made that easier for the readers as she returns to her roots (though sex-blogging is new for her, too) as I pulled back a little.

            Keeping your priorities and perspectives fresh and in focus are a daily exercise.

      • Yes, they say you don’t write because you want to, but because you have to. More than anything, it’s been a priority shift, and of that I am glad. xoxo

  5. Happy belated birthday and welcome back!! (And congrats on #17!!)

    Don’t worry about your libido. I’m 41 and well, if you’ve been reading lately, you’ll know there is hope. Well, actually, despair as well. Just not despair because of a libido. Oh gosh, I will quit while I’m ahead. xo

    • haha, you crack me up Ann. And thank you, on both accounts. The book thing has me scared to death! I was dumbfounded that I actually got the contract… Writer’s doubt and impostor theory and all that.

      And I’m so sorry I missed your game! It looked like so much fun! *hugsandkisses*

  6. Happy Birthday Caitlyn!

    Like everyone else here, I can tell you that there is definitely no reason why your libido should wane. I only discovered mine in my 40s, and I enjoy every minute of that ride!
    Are you telling me that it’s stress that made me gain weight? Nothing to do with my meds? Oh well, there is hope still, since part of the stress has now been lifted. I understand that money isn’t all it’s cut out to be and living with less is a good experience. But when your kids go from a rich household to a poor one every other week, it does bear stresses in itself that I’m glad I’ll now be able to do without 🙂
    This said, I love how you put it. Living with less is more satisfying than always trying to get more!
    #8 is what I decided to do a year ago. I don’t regret it for one instant. Even with the financial caveat above 😉
    If you want recipes for rabbit meat, just ask. If you have inbreed little bunnies, maybe you can not only us them for meat but also sell some…
    Rabbit meat freezes remarkably well.
    I have a friend or two like your #15. I concur 😉
    And yes, sometimes they can still surprise you. I’m pretty sure my friend who visited in the summer would never have guessed I had a sex blog and a LDR 🙂
    What’s SEO?
    How long does this thing with being four and sleep last? Do you know? Because I’m over 40 and never seem to need to sleep either. Or rather, I know I need to but keep fighting it, there’s always something more interesting to do, like read your blog 😉
    #28. I don’t think believing in one necessarily means you cannot believe in the other. See, there is a difference between God and religion, between God and the Bible, no matter how extremist people in the States try to make you think to the contrary. I have been living fairly well with both for years. Even when not pregnant, scared or grieving 🙂
    I too believe in Santa. I told my youngest just a few days ago. Why not?
    As for the rest… I agree with you on almost everything.
    Now I know why I come here and enjoy your blog! 🙂
    Again, happy 34th. And no, don’t even think 34 is old. Just ask my Grandma who lived almost 6 decades longer than you 😉

    • Okay, where to start? haha The bunnies are for meat, and according to my research, the inbreed babies, as long as all their pieces are there and in the right places, may even turn out bigger than if their mommy and daddy weren’t related. The bigger pain is the ass is that I now that 2 bucks and a doe, instead of the other way around. Production instantly cut in half. I’ve got a new doe on the way though, so it will work out in the end. And I’d love some recipes, hopefully in about 10 weeks. She’s been acting pregnant for ever, but still no babies. Makes me wonder how she’s not knocked up.

      SEO is “Search Engine Optimization.” It’s used in most internet writing (minus some personal blogging). It focuses on keywords, inbound and outbound links, and is how google (and other search engines) find you and rank your site. Google tries to stay on top of it and change things up all the time, so people try and beat the system by jamming articles full of keywords at 3-5 percent. But the fact is, if you write well, write often and give people something they like, google loves it. Instead of trying to beat the game, just play it well and you’ll win.

      I love to sleep. Too much. I guess it’s not actually that I love to sleep, it’s that I hate to get up. No matter if it’s late or early or right on time, I don’t like getting out of a warm bed.

      I don’t necessarily not believe in God the other times, it’s just not as important. During all three of my pregnancies, I started practicing religion, going to church, etc. I don’t believe it has to be one or the other, but in the normal day to day, the rational always outweighs the faith.

      Santa Claus has definitely helped me out in the past. More times then I can count. Two years ago, old student loans attached my wages the last pay before Christmas, and I hadn’t even started shopping. The next day, there was a $100 Walmart gift card in my mailbox with a card that wasn’t signed. That is Santa in action right there.

      Thank you for the birthday wishes my dear! Mwah!!

      • Alright, recipes will be ready for you, just remind me in the new year (I’ve got quite a few things on my plate at the moment).
        My blog is secret, so I don’t worry myself much with the SEOs. Somehow, my audience is still growing (thanks everyone for the awards and shout outs) so I’m not too concerned. Plus it’s not like I envision making blogging the center of my life, so I’ll let you worry about them and go back to my blissful ignorance 😉
        Why would anyone want to get out of a warm bed into the cold? It’s sooo nice, sooo comfy…
        Ok, there have been a few occasions where I got up to watch the sunrise, over Grand Canyon or terraced rice fields… I don’t regret it in the least, but that is the exception!

        About God, I don’t know if I can say the rational outweighs the faith. I have a scientific background, so obviously facts are always going to be front and center. But what I experience spiritually isn’t related to faith any more. It is much deeper rooted than that. A part of me, of my soul. I don’t *believe*, I *know*, I *feel*. Not sure it makes sense to others, but that’s Ok 😉

        I’m glad to read that Santa has really helped you out in a very positive way. I bet that card was welcome!


      • It definitely made me cry! xoxo

  7. Happy birthday! I agree with #19 but my heart breaks over #30.

    You are always missed, but *that’s* not what makes you a crazy bitch. 😀

    Kisses, hugs, and slurps. XOXO

    PS, I think the remedy for not enough spanks (35 this year didn’t seem like enough, either) is that it should be that many on each cheek. 😉

    • Great idea Kayla! I’ll mention that to M and maybe we can have a re-do! haha

      The Oxford comma, the great literary drama of the 21st Century! I don’t know if you struggle with it, but I write for so many different places, and of course each one has their own style guides, and I totally forget who does what. Just yesterday I turned in three pieces with the damn comma that wasn’t supposed to have them. Now the fuckers will be booted back over something so stupid.

      Why can’t we all just get along? Make a rule and stick to it? Doesn’t a comma mean *pause*? Do you pause? I could give a shit, really, but the back and forth makes me NUTS!

      Getting my BP all out of control. Gotta calm down about the stupid comma. *sigh*

      xoxo *licks and sucks*

      • Deep breaths, deeeeeeep breaths. Unless told differently, I Oxford comma the fuck out of my writing. But I’ve been fortunate that either its ok or I’m writing for people who have no freaking clue that there even IS a great comma debate and I look like a genius to them anyway. So there’s that.

        Mmmmmm, licking AND sucking? I am a lucky, lucky girl. 😉

      • We should prepare notes someday about this whole writing from home thing. And, girl, I’ll lick and suck as much as you like! haha xoxo

  8. Welcome back! I’ve missed you! And happy belated birthday. I think you’re only getting better and can’t wait to see what the future brings for you and your adventures. 🙂

  9. Found your blog recently…AWESOME… It does get better ( promise)…the peak is yet to come….lol

  10. Happy Birthday, I can relate to quite a few things on the list

  11. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FRIEND!!!!! So glad to know you and have you in my world!

    BTW, your numbers stopped after 9 for me. Weird, right?? xx Hy

  12. Happy birthday, love! Enjoy 34, it only gets better though.

    Much love …

  13. Happy Birthday!! It’s so good to read you again…lol! I love your list and definitely can relate to most of it….(not so much about eating the rabbits!) My sexual peak hit in my 20’s….made a brief appearance in my 30’s and slammed into me in my 40’s. It’s been going nonstop now for about five years and I don’t see any sign of it stopping. Thank God my husband can keep up with me 🙂

  14. I really dislike Oxford commas. It just feels…wrong. Like somebody never knew the rule.

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